


What's Your Name Again?

by happy_harkey_choco



Category: Free!, The Wrong Year
Genre: AU, M/M, fanfic fanfic, fanfic-ception, oc x oc - Freeform, they aren't my ocs though, you should read The Wrong Year first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy_harkey_choco/pseuds/happy_harkey_choco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A man named Shuichi Ouyama falls in love with a barkeep, right after he breaks up with Makoto Tachibana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Family Restaurant

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Wrong Year](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529617) by [Supreme_Thunder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supreme_Thunder/pseuds/Supreme_Thunder). 



> This is my first thing on AO3 and it's a spin off of another fanfic.. Umm...
> 
> I hope it will make sense on it's own, but it's best to read the fic this came from first, if only because it's a really good SouMako fic.
> 
> The chapters will likely be really short but that should mean I can update quite quickly? And lastly, there's a gross jerk-off scene at the end of this chapter. It's the best I can do right now, haha. I may be terrible but at least I try.

''Shuichi- I... I'm breaking up with you.''

Shuichi had known it was coming. But even so, he couldn't take it. Shuichi swallowed audibly, his fists balling up in his lap.

"I-it's alright." Shuichi said. He sucked his lip, dredged up a smile, forced the waver out of his voice. Then he bowed his head in pathetic defeat. ''Good luck, Makoto.''

Shuichi couldn't bear to look back at them. He heard Makoto put down his glass and Sousuke start to get up.

''Thank you, Shuichi,'' Makoto said softly.

Shuichi sighed quietly, not acknowledging the money Sousuke dropped on the table in front of him. He stared at the table as the two men started to walk away, unable to do or say anything. Yet, as the door opened, Shuichi's eyes screwed closed in frustration and he stood.

''Wait...''

Makoto turned around, his mouth open. It looked like he was about to say something, but Sousuke squeezed his hand and the brunette's mouth closed. Shuichi felt his teeth grit and he tried not to let out a low growl.

He let out a long sigh, looked at the floor, and said, ''Makoto, I'm sorry. I wish I could have loved you the way you deserved.''

When Makoto was silent, Shuichi looked up, a little confused. Makoto's face held a distressed expression, and he stared up at Shuichi as tears started to form in his eyes.

In that moment, Shuichi thought he might have had a chance. He thought that maybe, Makoto saw in Shuichi what Shuichi saw in Makoto. But the illusion shattered when Sousuke's arm tightened around his boyfriend's shoulder. Without a word, Sousuke led Makoto out, out of Shuichi's life forever. All Shuichi could do was try not to cry into his hands.

-

Shuichi was laying across the bar. Sure, it was a little clichéd for a drunk guy after a break up, but Shuichi was starting to understand how those guys felt. He couldn't bear to move.

''Alright, sir, can I get anything for you or are you going to lie there all night?''

''Carling's please.'' Shuichi said, his voice croaking as he spoke.

''Sorry? Can't hear you, you didn't lift your head.''

Shuichi growled, despite the fact it wasn't the other guy's fault. Steeling himself, Shuichi sat up and leant on his elbow.

''Carling's. Please.''

''Alright, got you.'' Was the reply. Shuichi watched as the barkeep turned away, then looked back at Shuichi over his shoulder.

''Oh- Hey, I know you. Aren't you Tachibana-San's lover?''

Shuichi froze, and his jaw set. ''Don't ta- talk to me about Makoto.''

The barkeep leant back on his heels and raised his eyebrows.

''Well then. Somebody's heartbroken.''

Shuichi growled and slumped back to the top of the bar. He couldn't deal with this- not now. Meanwhile, the man just shrugged, and plonked the beer down on the bar top.

Once Shuichi was sure the barkeep had left to serve some other person, he peeked out from where his head was hidden behind his arms and grabbed the beer glass with a hand- he drunk it without looking and confusion rose on his face as the unfamiliar taste ran across his tongue. Shuichi was no beer connoisseur but he was fairly certain this was not what he had ordered.

He looked over at the barkeep, only to see him looking at him sideways, a sly smirk on his face. He had obviously done this on purpose- Shuichi assumed it was to get a reaction out of him- but Shuichi was not willing to let the other man win. His mouth twisted into a sneer and he downed the rest of the beer, watching with satisfaction as the man shook his head incredulously and turned away to serve somebody else. Shuichi sat stubbornly at the bar the rest of the night, not ordering another thing.

-

''Urgh, fuck,'' Shuichi moaned.

It had been a while since he had jerked himself off. Whenever he had wanted to do something, he had just called Makoto. Meanwhile, Makoto was with Sousuke- doing who knows what.

''F-fuck- Mm... Makoto...''

Shuichi groans the name out as he comes, and moments later, he's hiding his face in shame. He has never said Makoto's name during sex, not even when they were together. But now here he is- moaning the name of the man he can't have anymore.

Shuichi shoves his face into the pillow, and cries bitterly. He forgets to clean himself up, and finds the sheets sticky when he wakes up the next morning.


	2. Back Here Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi goes back to see the barkeep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, the first chapter got a couple of hits! Hey, even if it didn't, I would have posted this anyway. I'm kinda hoping I can upload daily, but I don't know if it will be possible to be honest. ;;

_Am I really coming back here?_

_I could just go somewhere else, there's probably another bar around the corner._

_But- how did that jerk know Makoto?_

_Did they date or something?_

_I've got to know._

_I'm gonna find out what his deal is._

Satisfied with his conclusion, Shuichi pushed open the door.

''Ohh, hey! You're back. Nice to see you.''

Shuichi glared at the man as soon as he saw him, once again behind the bar. He made his way to the stools to sit down.

''I guess you enjoyed yourself last night. What do you want, then? More Carling's?'' The man's hair swished as he leaned on his elbows, pushing his face right in front of Shuichi's. As a smirk spread across the man's face, Shuichi blinked helplessly, unable to break eye contact with him. He realised he hadn't ever really looked at the barkeep when he had come here the night before. He felt like he was probably missing out.

''Ye- yeah, Car- Carling's.'' Shuichi said, the stutter in his voice worse than normal. The barkeep smiled sweetly, and ran a finger up from the base of Shuichi's neck to the point of his chin.

''Carling's it is.''

Shuichi's eyes dropped as the barkeep walked away. He couldn't believe how embarrassed he had just gotten- in front of a guy he didn't even know the name of, no less. Besides, since when was he this submissive? He hadn't gotten approached like this since- well. Not since his first boyfriend back in high school. Shuichi kind of missed being looked after, like whoever that guy was had done back when he was about fourteen. But that was a long time ago.

''Carling's for you. And don't worry, it actually is Carling's this time.''

''Tha- thanks.'' Shuichi said, unable to come up with a proper response. He was doubting that what the barkeep had said was true, but he picked it up and drank it anyway. Shuichi sighed, almost in relief, as he swallowed it down. He liked things to stay familiar. Not like they were with this jerk of a-

''So what's your name, sweetheart?'' Shuichi was dragged out of his thoughts by a voice smooth as butter, and he rolled his eyes and took another drink before he answered.

''Ouyama.'' He said simply. He wasn't sure what to expect as a response.

''Oh- like those toy cameras?''

''I don't know what you're talking about.''

He laughed, looking at the counter. ''Of course you don't.''

There was a pause, and Shuichi almost smacked the guy on the head out of frustration. Instead, he settled for just downing more beer.

''Well then, you can just call me Yuusuke,'' The guy said, leaning on one elbow as he gazed lovingly at Shuichi. Meanwhile, all Shuichi did was glare at him out of the corner of his eye while he kept drinking. When Yuusuke continued to say nothing, Shuichi slammed his glass down, hoping to startle him, but Yuusuke didn't miss a beat.

''Can I get you another drink?'' He asked, smiling lopsidedly at Shuichi with smouldering eyes. Shuichi didn't really pay it much notice at first. But then he actually looked into Yuusuke's eyes- they were deep brown, sparkling, and seemlessly never-ending. Shuichi only gulped quietly, helplessly gazing back at him.

He really did not want to fall for this guy, especially if it was just for his face.

He hated to even think about it, and he especially hated to admit it to himself.

Was he really falling for this guy already?

Fuck.

''Hey, Tanaka!''

''Hmmm?'' Yuusuke said, turning his head away from Shuichi to look at the man who had called him.

''Can I get another?''

''Alright.'' Yuusuke said, rocking back and off his elbows. He winked cutely at Shuichi before walking away to the other side of the bar, and Shuichi cleared his throat, staring at his knees. He was close there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't Yuusuke a cutey?


	3. Fairly Pointless Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi is a grumpy ass hat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mock week wooo. I have a couple of chapters, but they're a bit... um.. weird... What I'm saying is, they need some work.

__The weekend was over, and now Shuichi had to go back to work.

Shuichi had never really had many problems with his job. It wasn't exactly exciting, but it paid the bills and he didn't really have to think very much while he was doing it.

Normally, this would be great. Shuichi could numb his day at work with thoughts of happiness- beer, stodgy food, Makoto. Shuichi realized he probably thought about Makoto more than he should do at work.

Today, though, Shuichi found himself at a loss for things to think about. He refused to let himself think about Makoto, since that would just make himself upset and angry, and unfortunately for Shuichi this wouldn't be the first time he had blown up at his boss. Shuichi did not want to lose his job, so therefore, he just wouldn't think about Makoto today.

But once Shuichi's mind had run through a beer he had heard about that could be grown in outer space, then through the nice dinner he was going to make himself later, he didn't have anything to think about anymore. Shuichi stared lethargically at his computer screen, bored entirely out of his mind. It would have looked like Shuichi was dead, had he not been typing.

After about half an hour, Shuichi realized he was being ridiculous. He decided that thinking about what he didn't like about Makoto would probably be okay, even if he might just end up getting upset anyway. Shuichi pondered it for a few seconds.

Makoto was...

Perfect?

Well.

He was a bit forgetful. Shuichi always got annoyed at him for that. He was fairly sure Makoto's umbrella was still in his apartment from when he left it there. Maybe he could take it back to him as an excuse to see him. Or maybe Shuichi would just throw it out. That might be a refreshing experience.

Thinking about it, why _did_ Shuichi get so angry at Makoto all the time? Makoto, of course, had never really done anything to deserve it. It was just Shuichi's stupid way of being a dick to people who were never anything but nice to him. Of course, as soon as anybody actually threatened Shuichi, he would lose the dick persona and run away in fear. Funny how his brain worked like that. Shuichi was a selfish coward with a bad temper.

He didn't really want to be that way anymore. But what could he really do about it?

_Be nicer to that Yuusuke guy,_ a small voice told him. _He's the only one who's given you chance in a long time._

For a moment, Shuichi thought that might not be such a bad idea. But then Shuichi realised that he would be lucky if he hadn't already scared Yuusuke off.

Figures.

-

When Shuichi got home that evening, Makoto's umbrella was there waiting for him on the coffee table. Shuichi glared at it.

The umbrella was just like something Makoto would own. It was clear plastic, very inconspicuous, yet the handle was soft pink and it had a hello kitty sticker on it. It made Shuichi feel strange- cold, lonely. He guessed it made sense.

Shuichi didn't want the stupid hello kitty staring at him, and he felt bad just throwing it out. Mailing it felt pathetic and going to his house to deliver it felt even more so. Shuichi was at a loss. He picked it up and hid it under the table, out of sight. It was a glass topped table so he actually could still see it, but it made him feel better somehow.


	4. U nu! My umbrella!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we have another pointless chapter looool. Idk what I'm doing!
> 
> Shuichi goes to give back the umbrella, but gets caught in the rain.

After work the next day, Shuichi decided to man up and give back the umbrella.

But, unfortunately for him, when he knocked on Makoto's front door, there was no answer.

Shuichi knew he shouldn't think much of it- Makoto was probably just... out buying milk or something. But Shuichi couldn't help it, and ended up getting completely and utterly jealous of Sousuke once again. And worst of all, the stupid handle of the umbrella wouldn't fit through the letterbox. It was either leave the hello kitty sticking precariously out of the door, or take the umbrella back home again. Shuichi growled and grabbed it, yanking the umbrella out so hard it was surprising it didn't break, and shoved it inside his bag. Shuichi stomped away, despite the strange looks that people around him were giving.

On his way home, Shuichi hung around, not wanting to go back to his apartment. He didn't know where he was really going, but he decided it didn't really matter. As long as he didn't end up getting lost.

-

Coming out of a little cafe, Shuichi paused in the doorway as he saw that it was raining. It would be stupid to go out there in the rain, especially since he already had an umbrella, but-

Shuichi hung back, deciding to stall for time by looking in a shop window, sheltered by an awning. What was actually in the shop didn't interest him in the slightest, but he stayed there at risk of looking strange.

Shuichi looked up as he saw somebody walk past on the other side of the road. He didn't really pay him much mind, but the man suddenly slowed down, looking at Shuichi's reflection in the shop window.

It was Yuusuke. He obviously thought Shuichi wasn't looking at him, or at least that he hadn't noticed. The look on Yuusuke's face told Shuichi that he wanted to come over, but he obviously thought better of it and kept walking with a frown on his face. Yuusuke looked over his shoulder for a second, regretting it.

Shuichi watched as he walked past, debating with himself whether or not to go over. He wanted to. But Yuusuke hadn't made the first move this time, and Shuichi was too shy- n-no, not shy, um... sensible- to do it himself. Yuusuke was about to turn the corner and- suddenly, Shuichi found himself jogging out into the rain after him.

Shuichi slowed down a little as he caught up to Yuusuke. He realised he hadn't thought of anything to say. Like it was creepy enough to run up behind someone and just start talking.

''Oh!'' Yuusuke said, noticing Shuichi behind him, making Shuichi cringe as he discovered he'd been spotted. ''Hey there Ouyama-San. I saw you back there but- um. Well, you looked a little... busy.''

Shuichi blinked, not sure what to say back. He was grateful Yuusuke hadn't given the actual reason he didn't come over, because Shuichi wasn't ready to explain himself to Yuusuke. So instead he just caught up with the few paces he was behind and smiled at him a little awkwardly.

''Shit! You're soaked.'' Yuusuke exclaimed, pulling Shuichi in by the waist to shield him from the rain. ''Don't you have an umbrella?''

''I- um.'' Shuichi said, a little surprised by Yuusuke's action. He pulled out Makoto's umbrella, showing it to Yuusuke. ''I was going to give it back, but Makoto wasn't home.''

''Oh, so that's Tachibana-San's?''

Shuichi nodded.

''Knowing him, he'd probably be super mad if you used it.''

Shuichi's brow furrowed. Were they thinking about the same guy?

''You'd better stay under here with me.''

Oh, right. Obviously.

''I guess I better had, y-yeah.'' Shuichi said. He failed miserably at being smooth. Yuusuke didn't seem to mind.

''So where are you headed?''

''Just back home.''

''Riiight. Anything nice planned?''

''Not really.''

''Maybe you should come back with me.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have noooooo idea what's going to happen next, help.


	5. Christmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuusuke and Shuichi have some dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very late. But I themed it around Christmas! :D I /think/ it's just meant to be early winter at this point in The Wrong Year, and today is boxing day. Yuusuke just has some Christmas decorations. Ahaha ;w;

''Well...''

''Aww, come on. I can make you a nice dinner. You can get dry. And then we can...'' Yuusuke paused, judging the expression on Shuichi's face. ''We can have dessert! Do you like cake, Ouyama-San?''

Shuichi frowned, wondering why Yuusuke was treating him this nice. Shuichi really didn't think he deserved it, and especially, he wasn't used to this kind of relationship. All that had ever happened to Shuichi was he would pick somebody up, go home, fuck, do the confessions and shit in the morning. Yuusuke being a gentleman and courting him like this was weird.

''Umm... Ye-yeah, I like cake...'' Shuichi said, smiling internally as he felt Yuusuke press up against him under the umbrella. He looked up at the taller man, then bowed his head.

''If you want, you can call me Shuichi.''

''Nice.'' Yuusuke said, grabbing Shuichi by the waist once again. ''So what do you say? Want to eat some cake with me tonight, Shuichi?''

The tone of Yuusuke's voice was surprisingly innocent. Shuichi shrugged, tilting his head like he was weighing up his options, even though he had already made his decision.

''Okay, sure.''

Yuusuke's smile widened, and his hand tightened on Shuichi's hip.

''Right this way, my friend!''

-

Yuusuke's apartment was surprisingly rather large, and extremely welcoming. There were cute Christmas decorations sitting in corners, and although there wasn't a real tree, there was a cactus on the table with a star sitting on top of it.

"Not a Christmas guy, I guess?" Yuusuke asked, watching Shuichi look in confusion at the spiky plant as he hung up his coat. Shuichi shook his head.

"Not really."

"I'm not surprised."

"Isn't it a little early for all this?" Shuichi asked, looking at a waving cat dressed as Santa.

"What do you mean? Of course not!"

Shuichi only rolled his eyes, much to Yuusuke's amusement.

"Alright, alright... Oh yeah, dinner. I don't know what I've got kicking around, I guess I could make some curry or something?"

Shuichi shrugged. "S'good with me." He didn't care to tell Yuusuke that curry and rice was his favourite.

"Nice, nice. Make yourself comfortable, I'll get you a drink."

-

Shuichi awoke peacefully, enjoying a bed that seemed much warmer than usual. It was so comfortable in fact, he didn't wonder about the source of this warmth for a rather long moment.

''Oh shit.''

A pair of strong arms were wrapped tightly around Shuichi's waist- Yuusuke's arms. It felt like heaven, but in effect, stopped Shuichi from escaping.

''Shit...''

Shuichi breathed heavily, trying desperately not to wake the other man up. As his body whirred into life, his mind was racing so fast he couldn't think of anything at all.

Shuichi moved in a haze, slipping out of the man's arms, stumbling as he moved around in the half-light. He fought to regain control of his breath and he snatched his glasses up off the table, unwilling to leave any trace of his presence behind. He was dressed, collected, and out of the door before he had a chance to let himself think. Shuichi couldn't remember a thing.

He knew he could. He just didn't want to.

"Fuck..." Shuichi murmured. He looked back at Yuusuke's front door, now closed behind him, before finally stepping off the porch and out onto the street. The morning air was crisp and chill, and a soft snow was falling. With a clear head, Shuichi finally let himself recall the events of the night prior.

They'd had sex. Shuichi sighed, sucking in frustration on his bottom lip, as he remembered the look on Yuusuke's face when Shuichi's nervous hand had twitched and he dropped a sizeable amount of cake on himself. Of course, he'd let himself fall for just the type of guy who would fuck him then drop him. And if not...

He'd hurt him, just like he had let Makoto do, and it was Shuichi's fault for letting another man in like this so soon when he knew he wasn't ready for it.

As Shuichi arrived home, shaking the white snowflakes off his old coat and rubbing at his cheeks and nose to warm them, he took a deep breath and thanked whatever deity that he didn't have work today. Shuichi emptied out his bag onto the sofa next to him and checked carefully through his things, only to slowly, painstakingly, come to the realisation that that stupid fucking hello kitty umbrella was sitting by the door at Yuusuke's apartment.

Shuichi fell off his sofa, pressed his face into the solid floorboards, and screamed. Because of course, _of course_ , the one thing in his life he only wanted to forget about was now with the guy he'd just had   
sex with and then ran out on.

Why was this his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Shuichi. The ending scene is supposed to be kinda more despairing but it came out more like it was supposed to be funny. Oh well.


	6. Yuusuke cries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, Yuusuke just cries for this whole chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get Yuusuke's POV this chapter! This took a while, but it's a *bit* longer than normal. Makoto is also in this and HE IS SO HARD TO WRITE FOR ME D:

Yuusuke hadn't meant for it to happen this way. He had honestly planned nothing more than dinner for last night. It was just the look in Shuichi's eye, and the blush on his cheeks, that pushed Yuusuke right over the edge.

Yuusuke was certain that Shuichi had wanted it at the time, but now he wasn't so sure.

It seemed like he enjoyed it... Well, he didn't hate it... He couldn't have hated it, could he?

...C-Could he?

Yuusuke despaired at the thought. Sex with him couldn't have been so terribly bad that Shuichi couldn't bear to look at him when he woke up, surely not. The way Shuichi moaned couldn't have been faked, and the thought of it nearly made Yuusuke hard again. But... Shuichi had still run off before Yuusuke had even woken up. And it was still early in the morning, even if Shuichi had work today- which Yuusuke didn't think he did.

Finally getting out of bed, feeling sorely disappointed that Shuichi wasn't in it with him, Yuusuke rubbed his eyes and didn't bother to check exactly what the time was. His shift wasn't until later in the day, so he didn't have to rush around to make it in time- which for Yuusuke, was yet another reason to feel disappointed, as he couldn't spend his free morning with Shuichi.

While Yuusuke munched on some dry toast, he thought seriously about why Shuichi might have left. And all he came up with was the fact that maybe Shuichi wasn't ready to take anything seriously yet, so soon after- well, whatever had happened with Makoto. It was sad for Yuusuke to think about, especially since in his eyes, Shuichi was the best thing in this world, and he should know it...

Because, well, Shuichi was super-cute in looks, and after he had opened up the tiniest bit Yuusuke had discovered his personality was just the same. And Yuusuke had done this kind of thing before- he could hold himself back if he really needed to. But... Well... Here he was, back where he started. He'd fallen hard for Shuichi and the guy had run out on him.

But some people were just like that. Maybe Shuichi would get over Makoto eventually. Maybe he wouldn't. Yuusuke knew when to back off.

Well, he'd thought he did. Shuichi had surprised him yesterday when he come over like that. Yuusuke had assumed he at least wanted to do _something_ together, even if it wasn't exactly what Yuusuke had originally wished for.

Yuusuke had got his wish, but in the end it had turned out to not be like he had wanted at all.

When Shuichi climbed into Yuusuke's bed, he had hid in the pillow, not wanting to show Yuusuke his face. So Yuusuke coaxed him into turning over, and he did, but Shuichi had trembled under Yuusuke's body and almost shied away from him. Yuusuke thought okay, maybe he's just kinda shy. But what saddened Yuusuke most was when Shuichi came close, he didn't hold onto Yuusuke for support. He laid back on his own arms, even when they looked like they would collapse from the effort. And Yuusuke couldn't shake the thought that Shuichi had a need to support himself when he really didn't have to- when there was someone ready to love him and take care of him, he wouldn't accept it.

It at least made what Shuichi did make sense, but Yuusuke wanted to help. And regrettably, he couldn't, if Shuichi kept retreating like this.

. . .

Later on, Yuusuke found the umbrella that Shuichi had left behind. Sadly, he didn't think Shuichi would come back for it, so Yuusuke decided it was time to pay Makoto a visit.

When Yuusuke arrived at Makoto's house, he seemed fairly surprised that Yuusuke even knew where he lived.

"I mean... I barely remember it, but I think I came over here once." He explained. "Or maybe I didn't. But you must've told me where you lived at some point or I wouldn't be here."

Makoto stepped back from the door, laughing awkwardly as he let Yuusuke in. "Er... Yeah, true, I suppose."

As he stepped over the threshold, Yuusuke handed over Makoto's umbrella, of course adorned with the hello kitty sticker, with a smile.

"Oh, my umbrella!" Makoto exclaimed. "...Hold on. Yuusuke, how did you..."

Yuusuke's smile tightened a little. "Oh, you know. Shuichi left it at my apartment last night and I thought I'd save him the trouble of bringing it back."

A frown crossed Makoto's face, and his hand stopped above the door handle he was about to push closed. "...Shuichi?"

"Yeah." Yuusuke paused. "I sort of wanted to talk to you about him, if that's alright."

Makoto blinked, and a little worry creeped into his face.

"Oh- of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

Eyes widening, Yuusuke quickly shook his head. "Don't worry about it! We don't have to talk about him." He paused. "...If you don't want to."

"No, really, it's fine. I was just a little... Surprised, is all."

Yuusuke smiled at him gratefully.

-

"Umm... Makoto, did Shuichi always seem kinda... I don't know. Lonely, maybe, to you?"

"Lonely?" Makoto thought about it. "I'm not sure. We didn't spend an awful lot of time together. Normally we'd just... Uhm, you know. And then he'd leave."

Yuusuke leant his head on his hand. "Oh, okay." He said, but all he could think was,

_It's just like I thought._


	7. More Time Passes & Yuusuke Is Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuusuke misses Shuichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to anyone and everyone following this story! I decided that since I started this story, I'll try and finish it. I think I've improved a lot since the last chapter (actually, I think that all the chapters before this have problems that need to be fixed, so I'll try and redo them at some point).

Days had passed since Yuusuke had returned Makoto's umbrella, and of course, he hadn't seen Shuichi at all since. The glasses-face that Yuusuke loved to see so much hadn't graced his presence in what felt like weeks, and Yuusuke couldn't help but feel lonely every night at the bar he worked at.

One or two nice-looking guys had come in since, but Yuusuke wasn't tempted. Once he'd met Shuichi, he didn't want to go back to just any guy who walked in.

"Guinness over here please!"

"Yeah." Yuusuke called back, getting a clean glass and heading to the taps. He looked down, blinking as he realised he was about to fill the glass with Carling's, and sighed. Ugh, sleeping with Shuichi was a really poor decision on his part.

Mostly because he'd driven Shuichi away, again, and despite the huge schoolboy crush Yuusuke had on him, it sucked that they couldn't even be friends.

He gave the guy his beer, yelling a welcome as the door opened again. Yuusuke was met with a soft greeting, and none other than Makoto and his new boyfriend sat down at the stools in front of him.

"Hey you two," Yuusuke chirped, grinning at the sour expression on Sousuke's face. "Can I get you anything?"

"Can I have a J2O?"

The boyfriend, Yuusuke couldn't remember his name exactly, looked at Makoto in exasperation, the frown on his face melting away into a smile. "Seriously?"

Makoto looked surprised. "Yes? I like them."

The boyfriend ordered his own drink, something or other alcoholic, and Yuusuke set them down with a smile.

"Here you go, Tachibana. Here you go, Yama...Saki?"

Yamasaki's eye twitched. "Yamazaki."

"Right, right, Yamazaki, got it." Yuusuke said, imitating Yamazaki's intonation. "Sorry."

Makoto picked up his drink with a smile, and Yuusuke snorted at his delight for drinking basically nothing but really over-sweetened orange juice.

"How are you, Tanaka-San?" Makoto asked, and Yuusuke replied with a weak smile.

"Mmh, not so bad I guess. Looks like things are going well for you two though," He said, leaning on his elbows and looking between the two of them with a smile. Makoto smiled sweetly enough, but Yamazaki seemed to be glaring at him, and Yuusuke rolled his eyes and leant back.

"Sorry, sorry. Didn't mean to pry. I'll just go back to serving people beers all by my lonesome."

"No, it's okay, Tanaka," Makoto said, nudging Yamazaki with a palm. "Is there something the matter, though?"

Yuusuke paused, frowned, then slumped all over the bartop like he was the one sitting in the stools.

"Tachibana, I slept with Shuichi, but I must have upset him and now I haven't seen him in days," he whined, feeling Makoto reach over to pat his shoulder reassuringly. "I feel so terrible, but I can't talk to him because the only way I can see him is if he comes here!"

Yuusuke looked up at Makoto, and green eyes looked sympathetically back at him.

"You poor thing," he said. "That does sound like something he might do. If you want to try calling him, I could give you his phone number."

Yuusuke felt his face light up, and Makoto smiled down at him. "Really? That would be amazing!" His smile faded a little, and he added, "He probably won't want to talk to me though..."

"You can still try," Makoto cooed. "Here, I'll find his number."

Makoto pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts, stopping where Shuichi's name should have been.

"Huh?"

Yamazaki was downing his beer, a guilty aura surrounding him, and Makoto frowned. "Sousuke, did you.."

Caught out, Yamazaki slowly put his glass down. "I," he began, reaching up to scratch his head, "Might have blocked his number from your phone."

"Sousuke!"

"Oh come on, that guy's a huge dick," Sousuke blurted, and Yuusuke gasped, deeply offended.

"Shuichi is not a dick! How could you say that, you-"

"Alright," Makoto stopped Yuusuke, and put a hand on Yamazaki's chest. "Sousuke, I wish you'd tell me before doing things like this. You don't need to feel insecure. Shuichi and I are over."

Sousuke frowned, looking troubled, before sighing and rubbing his face with a hand. "I know. I just... Don't really trust him."

"Shuichi's not a dick, he's just misunderstood," Yuusuke murmured with a pout. He watched as Makoto continued to comfort Yamazaki, disappointed that he wouldn't get to talk to Shuichi after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Shuichi and Yuusuke, but I keep finding myself writing them as diet Rei and Seijuro. I'd say that the differences between them are that Shuichi is grumpier than Rei, and Yuusuke is (a bit?) more mature than Seijuro.
> 
> Another thing is the speech things I gave them both- Shuichi has a stutter of some sort which I took and exaggerated from The Wrong Year. Yuusuke tends to say stuff like twice, 'right, right' and 'sorry, sorry', which was totally unintentional, but I kinda like it so I'm going to keep it, haha.


	8. Everyone suffers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi feels sorry for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooo back to pumping out more chapters! (This is a sad one though D:)
> 
> My last exam is tomorrow! ONLY ONE MORE TO GO.

Shuichi was curled up alone in bed, unable to get to sleep.

His eyes hurt, and he rubbed at them with his fingers, in a futile attempt to ease the dull ache there. Shuichi was close to crying, and he curled further in on himself, gritting his teeth.

He had never felt more lonely. For the first time in his life, Shuichi had nobody to turn to. He'd long lost contact with his family, and Shuichi didn't have any friends; funnily enough, nobody wanted to stick around him for long. He'd lost Makoto to Sousuke, and he'd lost Yuusuke now too. He'd run away from him, because... Because, because, it was all because Shuichi was afraid he'd lose him too, and guess what, now he had.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He was too afraid to even try and get Yuusuke back. Shuichi was really crying now, crying again over things that could have been avoided. But it was too late. He couldn't face Yuusuke. He couldn't do anything. His eyes screwed shut.

He reached up and pulled his pillow to his chest, crossing his arms behind it as more tears fell from his eyes. Shuichi's chest shuddered with sobs and he pressed against it, trying to imagine it was a person, anything but a pillow to stop him feeling so crushingly alone.

At first, Shuichi was trying his best to picture Makoto. Holding him from behind, keeping him safe, like he always wished he had done back when they were together. Seconds passed, something changed, and Makoto disappeared, swirling away from Shuichi, leaving him behind.

But Yuusuke was there. His strong arms wrapped around Shuichi, pressed against him, stroked his hair. Letting him cry, pulling him away from real life, guiding him gently into sleep.

\- - -

Shuichi couldn't concentrate at work the next day.

"Shuichi," A soft voice called from behind him, and Shuichi turned his chair around, looking at the man who'd called him. "Sorry, it looked like you'd spaced out. I didn't want you to get yelled at again."

Shuichi nodded in thanks, turning back to his computer. His colleague walked away, and Shuichi shook the mouse to wake his computer back up. He stared at the screen, trying to interpret the rows of meaningless numbers, and sighed, scratching at his hair.

The clock ticked on, and after hours of getting nothing done, Shuichi went home.

He walked out of his office building in a daze, each foot going down in front of the other, heading in the general direction of his apartment. He tugged at his collar, sighing as he felt an incoming headache, looking at the familiar doorway in front of him.

It seemed like the journey had gone faster than usual. Shuichi must have been more distracted than he thought. He was grateful as he shoved the front door open, relieved to finally be-

"Shuichi!"

Shuichi blinked, looking at the stools and soft lighting around him. His head suddenly pounded, and he felt his stomach lurch and twist, vision swirling as he watched the figure in front of him.

"Are- are you alright?"

Shuichi suddenly couldn't breathe. He was back in Yuusuke's bar. He was back here- Yuusuke was there, talking to him. He was facing Yuusuke after what had happened between them.

Shuichi's hand snapped up to his face, and his knees weakened. His head felt like it was trying to rip him apart. He blinked, eyes becoming unfocused, and the world span as he passed out, collapsing onto the floor.

~

"Oh my god, Shuichi!" Yuusuke yelled, running out from behind the bar to the body now laying limp on the floor. The customers at the bar were all shocked silent, staring at the display going on in the doorway, and suddenly the only sound in the building was the music playing from the speakers.

Yuusuke kneeled by Shuichi's side, flipping him onto his back and shaking his shoulders. "Shuichi!" He cried, "Oh, shit, uh..."

Yuusuke leant to Shuichi's mouth, sighing in relief as he felt breath hitting his ear. He looked down at him, trying not to panic, and turned around, eyes sweeping the room for someone who could help.

Everyone looked back at him sheepishly, and Yuusuke sat back on his heels, giving up. He watched Shuichi, forcing himself to calm down, reminding himself that every time someone passed out from drinking too much at this bar, they always woke up.

_Come on, wake up now. Wake up, Shuichi._

Yuusuke groaned quietly, dragging Shuichi away from the doorway in case someone tried to come in. Shuichi's head fell to the side, and Yuusuke's heart quickened, throbbing painfully at the sight. He held up Shuichi's head, not letting himself look too long at Shuichi's face, and waited, ignoring the calls coming from behind him asking what was going on and if Shuichi was okay.

_Wake up._

_Please._

Yuusuke stared desperately at Shuichi, feeling his muscles tense as Shuichi's breathing changed. Shuichi's eyes fluttered, and his head shifted, and Yuusuke huffed out a relieved breath as Shuichi's brown eyes met his.

"Phew," He said, a smile breaking out across his face. "Shuichi, you just passed out. Are you okay?"

Shuichi's eyes were lidded, and he took off his glasses to rub at them with his palms. He nodded slowly, replacing his glasses as he moved to sit up.

The silence around him returned to normal chatter, and Yuusuke reached out to help Shuichi to his feet. Shuichi looked at Yuusuke's outstretched hand cautiously, but took it anyway and stood up with him.

"Are you sure you're alright now? Maybe you shouldn't be drinking after that. I'll call you a taxi." Yuusuke said, reaching for his phone, but Shuichi stopped him.

"No, Yuusuke, I don't need a taxi. And I didn't come here to drink, I- was just going home."

"Going home?" Yuusuke echoed, confused. "If you were going home, why did you come in here?"

Shuichi gritted his teeth angrily. "I don't know. I- I wasn't paying attention. I went the wrong way."

Yuusuke looked down at Shuichi, watching as he started to shuffle backwards. He remembered the last time he saw Shuichi, when they'd fallen asleep together after that stupid cake date that turned into sex, and felt the need to stop him before Shuichi left him again.

"Shuichi, wait," he called, and Shuichi paused for a moment by the door. "I'm- look, I'm- I'm so sorry for what I did last time. I just- wasn't thinking straight. I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I didn't want you to stop talking to me. I guess I'm-"

Shuichi watched him, and Yuusuke struggled to continue. "I'm worried about you. I know you're an adult or whatever and don't need me trying to guide your life but I- you always seem so guarded and withdrawn, and- I wanted to try and show you that you can trust people." Yuusuke looked away from Shuichi with a sigh. "I guess I fucked that up, though. But I like you a lot, Shuichi, I don't want to lose you."

Shuichi seemed shocked, and he stared up at Yuusuke open-mouthed.

"B-but- I..."

Yuusuke waited, holding his breath.

"But I left you."

Yuusuke's heart melted, and he reached out to Shuichi.

"That's fine. Shuichi, it was me who made you want to leave, that's why I'm asking you to give me another chance."

Shuichi's face crumpled, and he backed away, snatching his hand out of Yuusuke's grasp.

"I- I- I n-need to go," he muttered, turning to hurry away, and Yuusuke felt like crying.

"Shuichi!" He called. "You left me, Shuichi, please don't leave me again," he tried, and Shuichi froze for a moment, just a moment, giving Yuusuke the chance to reach out once again to catch Shuichi's hand.

But a moment wasn't long enough, and Shuichi had already gone, the door to the bar slamming shut in Yuusuke's face.

Yuusuke stood, shocked, hot tears pricking at his eyes, and he stared at the door. It took all Yuusuke's effort to avoid collapsing into a sobbing mess on the floor.

"Hey Tanaka!" Someone called from the stools at the bar. "Did he just pack you in?"

Yuusuke spun around, looking at two friends of his that had come here to drink.

"You don't wanna fall for someone like that. It never ends well." The other said.

Yuusuke couldn't say a word, and just slowly went back to his place behind the bar. He smiled weakly, and his friends eventually left. He kept smiling as customers came and went, selling them all cheap drinks, as his torn heart threatened to shatter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHUICHI WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??


	9. Yuusuke cries (for real this time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto gets woken up in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I checked this right before I went to bed, so hopefully it's not riddled with errors. xD

It was four in the morning, and Makoto was less than pleased when his phone started to ring, the shrill tones amplified by the quiet of the night.

Sousuke grumbled, covering his head with a pillow, and Makoto whispered an apology to him as he reached over to pick up his phone off the bedside table. Squinting in the darkness, Sousuke stopped him, slamming a hand down on the tabletop and answering the call before Makoto could try and protest.

"Who is this and what the hell do you want?"

"Sousuke!" Makoto scolded in a whisper, but he shut his mouth when he heard who was on the phone.

_"Yamazaki-San? It's Tanaka from the bar. Sorry to wake you, can- can I talk to Tachibana please?"_

"No." Sousuke replied flatly, and pulled the phone away from his ear, frowning at the screen with sleep-fuzzy eyes to try and end the call.

Makoto sighed, and took the phone from Sousuke, giving his boyfriend's forehead a kiss. He moved to get up, trying to go somewhere quiet so Sousuke could go back to sleep, but the larger of the two just groaned again and wrapped his arms around Makoto's back, trapping him there.

"Hello?" Makoto said, smiling as Sousuke started gently pressing kisses into his hair, and waited for a response from Yuusuke.

 _"Tachibana-San,"_ He started, _"Tachibana, I- Fuck, I fucked up."_

Sousuke's kisses started to slow down, and Makoto would have smiled at how quickly he could fall back to sleep, if he wasn't suddenly so worried at the tone of Yuusuke's voice.

"What's the matter? Are you alright?"

Yuusuke was silent for a moment, before he keened and started sobbing loudly into his phone.

"Tanaka? Tanaka, what's wrong? What happened?" Makoto cried, heart thumping, and he felt his grip on Sousuke tighten reflexively.

 _"Tachibana,"_ Yuusuke whimpered out between hiccuping sobs, _"It's- it's Shuichi, he. He ran away. He doesn't want to see me anymore. And it's- I drove him away, because- because... I- just want to see him again, Tachibana, but he won't even let me talk to him!"_

Makoto sighed, sad for Yuusuke, even though he was mostly just relieved that Yuusuke wasn't in any worse trouble. He listened as he continued to cry, and relaxed his tight hold on Sousuke, speaking again in his most soothing voice.

"Tanaka... Tanaka, don't cry. It's alright. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. What happened?"

More sobs crackled through Makoto's phone, and he waited as Yuusuke sniffled and breathed out, collecting himself.

 _"He came back to the bar,"_ Yuusuke said, _"And he looked really out of it. He was so pale and kind of- shivering. Like, his jaw was twitchy. And I was worried, but I was really happy to see him there, so I was gonna say hello and everything, right?"_

"Right."

_"But then he just collapsed, passed out right there on the floor. I was so scared, because I didn't know what was wrong... Like, people don't normally just up and faint, you know? There had to be something wrong, right?"_

"Oh, my god," Makoto breathed. "He never suddenly passed out when I was with him. I don't think that's normal for Shuichi."

_"Shit, shit, I was afraid of that. So- So I run up to him and try and wake him up, and he eventually does, thank god, so I try and apologise for what happened between us the other day when he came over. I mean, I didn't realise that I would upset him so much by- doing what I did. I honestly thought he was okay with doing stuff with me. But I guess he wasn't."_

Makoto nodded, to himself more than anything, doing his best to follow along with Yuusuke's story.

 _"So I apologise, but he gets all worked up, and starts to run away. I tried to ask him not to leave, but he just left anyway. And it just hurts_ , _it really hurts because it felt like he didn't really want to leave, but he did because he was too scared to talk to me or- or something. I don't want to hurt him anymore, Tachibana, but I think avoiding me is just making it worse for him. And well- well f-for both of us."_

"Okay."

_"And- and a-also- I'm worried about him. Not even because I like him and stuff but he just- he looked like he could've been ill or something. I just want to make sure he's safe but he won't let me. He won't let anybody in. He won't accept anyone's help."_

Makoto sighed, and thought about how to reply, eyebrows furrowing slowly. Shuichi wasn't exactly acting out of character.

"Yuusuke, it sounds like he's just confused."

_"Confused? What do you mean?"_

"Confused, like- he's not used to someone being so- I don't know. Affectionate with him? What I mean is, he's probably not used to someone actually liking him for more than just a hook-up."

There was a silence, and then more sniffling sounds.

 _"I- I didn't want just a hook up,"_ Yuusuke said. _"Do you think he thought that's what I wanted?"_

"I don't know. But it's possible."

_"So- so what should I do?"_

"I'm not sure. It's difficult, because he can only come to you, but- I would just be patient and try and show him you still care about him. Keep talking to him, if you can. Try not to let him retreat so far that he can't come back out again."

Yuusuke exhaled shakily, and Makoto smiled softly, because it sounded like he had finally stopped crying. _"...Okay. Thank you. Thanks so much, Tachibana-San. Your next round is on the house."_

"That's alright, Tanaka." Makoto smiled. "Goodnight."

He hung up the phone, placing it back on his nightstand, and fitted himself back into the space that Sousuke had made for him. He smiled at the quiet snoring sounds that emitted just above his head, and drifted back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah. Yuusuke is so hard to write the way I want him to be.
> 
> Also, here's some crappy art I did of Shuichi and Yuusuke:
> 
> http://orig14.deviantart.net/3190/f/2016/172/3/f/image_by_yumgry-da71snh.jpg
> 
> Yeah. It's just... I have no excuses.


	10. Agony Sousuke fixes everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some time has passed since last chapter, but I wasn't sure how to make that more obvious in the actual story xD

"If he calls tonight, don't answer," Sousuke grumbled, and Makoto looked at him sadly.

"But at night's the only time we can talk," He explained, "I have to work during the day and his shift's in the evening; he doesn't get off until late. I don't want to just leave him without anyone to talk to, Sousuke..."

"Doesn't he have any other friends to complain at?"

Makoto swallowed. "Well, maybe, but..."

Sousuke watched Makoto looking at the table, playing a little with his hands, and sighed.

"Alright, fine. Sorry."

-

_"He didn't show up, Tachibana..."_

"I'm sure he will, eventually."

_"What if he doesn't? I might never see him again..."_

Sousuke rolled over, shoving a pillow over his head.

-

_"He still hasn't come, Tachibana, is he avoiding me?"_

"...Tanaka, I hate to say it, but... Yes... He might be avoiding you a little bit..."

_"This is all my fault!"_

"No, this isn't anyone's fault. Don't blame yourself..."

 _'I am going to cut out that barman's tongue and watch him choke on his own blood'_ , Sousuke mouthed at Makoto, but it seemed most of his message went without being understood.

-

_"Tachibanaaaaaaaa..."_

"Mm-hm, I know, Tanaka, I know."

_"I miss him..."_

"I know you miss him. Try not to..." Makoto let out a yawn. "Try not to be too disheartened... It'll all turn out fine in the end, Tanaka..."

Sousuke's eye twitched, listening to the back-and-forth, and watching as Makoto drooped tiredly against him.

It was bad enough that Sousuke kept getting woken up in the middle of the damn night, but tonight Makoto was exhausted too, and Sousuke was just about sick of it.

He snatched the phone from Makoto's ear, pushing away Makoto's hand and guiding him back down against his chest, and hissed a threat down it.

"Go the fuck to sleep, you..." 

He trailed off, too tired to think of an insult, and huffed as Tanaka tried to protest.

_"But I-"_

Sousuke hung up the phone, placing it back on the desk and snuggling back down into Makoto's arms. He nuzzled Makoto's hair, kissing him quiet when he fussed at Sousuke for being mean, and smiled when Makoto was cut off once again with a yawn.

"You're tired," Sousuke murmured, "Go back to sleep and let me handle it for now."

-

"Yamazaki-Saahnn," A voice whined in Sousuke's ear, "Yamazaki-San, I can't believe she's still with him. I can't believe she chose that jerk over me."

Sousuke rolled his eyes, pushing the small body off of him and taking away his colleague's drink. "You'll get over it."

"Nooooo, Yamazaki... She left me... Why did she leave me..."

Sousuke sighed heavily, regretting his decision to come drinking with a guy with such low alcohol tolerance, and turned away to scan the rest of the room (just to give his eyes a break from this snivelling pile of poorly fitting clothes).

Sitting at the far side of the bar was a man hunched over and nursing a half full glass, all alone and not looking at anyone. He was pretty small and pathetic, and Sousuke smirked a little internally at how much he looked like that Shuichi bastard. He watched him, expression blank, until the man turned around, and Sousuke realised that, of course, it actually was Shuichi.

Shuichi stared at him for a few seconds, and Sousuke watched with an eyebrow raised as all the colour drained from the round face watching him from behind thick glasses. Shuichi looked around him and hurriedly stood up, stool clattering as he tried to make a break to escape.

Sousuke shook his head and got up as well, telling his colleague he'd be right back, and followed Shuichi outside. In the two weeks that had passed since the first phone call, Tanaka had called three more times to cry down the phone at Makoto, when Shuichi continued to fail to show up at the bar Tanaka worked at. And since these phone calls somehow always managed to happen at _why do times this early even fucking exist_ in the morning, Sousuke was not letting them happen again, because both his and now Makoto's sleep depended on it.

"Hey," he yelled at Shuichi, who was speeding away down the street like Sousuke was trying to assault him, "You, stop."

Shuichi kept waking, pretending he hadn't heard, and Sousuke rolled his eyes once again, catching up to Shuichi without any trouble.

"Shuichi," he said, placing a hand on the shoulder of Shuichi's cheap suit, and Shuichi froze, turning his head.

"Y-Y-Y-Yamazaki-San! F-fancy seeing you here."

Sousuke glared, an eyebrow raised at Shuichi. "Yeah, funny, Really? Three times?"

"S- I'm sorry, I don't usually have so much trouble with that lette-"

"Never mind. I need to talk to you."

Shuichi backed up a little, smiling shakily. "Oh, sorry, Y-Yamazaki-San, I've got to go home now-"

"No." Sousuke snapped, stepping forwards to close the gap between them. He folded his arms and glared down down at Shuichi, watching him stare up like Sousuke was about to eat him. "We. Have. To. Talk."

"Okay! O-Okay, alright."

"Good." Sousuke relaxed, giving Shuichi a little more space, and glaring at the look on his face. The poor man's hands were shaking, and he was simultaneously trying and failing to hide that fact. Sousuke almost pitied him. Almost.

"Shuichi," He started, "Let me ask you something. What are you doing?"

Shuichi gulped down air. "Noth- nothing at all!"

"Ugh, no, not like that- I meant with that barman. What's his name?"

Shuichi seemed shocked. "...Yuusuke?"

"Yeah, sure, Yuusuke. Anyway, whatever you're playing at with that guy, you're not handling it right. You can't just keep running away from all your stupid problems."

Shuichi stared up at him, no longer shocked but dumbfounded, not saying a world.

"I doubt you've realised this, but by doing whatever you're doing, you're screwing him over just as much as yourself. So stop being so damn selfish, grow a pair and go apologise."

He watched Shuichi's mouth open and shut, and Sousuke swallowed, feeling himself softening.

"Just don't make the same mistake I did. I got another chance, but you might not be so lucky."

Sousuke turned and walked away, leaving Shuichi behind; screw that colleague sitting back in the bar, he wanted to get home to Kazuki and Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, grow a pair, Shuichi! D:
> 
> Btw, Soususke's colleague is meant to be Momo complaining about Gou, and unfortunately they're not at Yuusuke's bar here. It's another one down the street (Shuichi how could you.)


	11. Agony Sousuke hasn't fixed anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi mopes around some more, but...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so evil for publishing this chapter.

Two weeks.

Two weeks had passed, and Shuichi had been doing his best to just forget about Yuusuke, but Yamazaki had gone and fucked that right up for him.

In two weeks, Shuichi had managed to convince himself that he was only causing Yuusuke more problems by clinging onto him, and that it was best to just leave him alone. He'd been managing just fine like that, for a while.

Even if deep down, he knew he was just too much of a coward to see Yuusuke, he'd started to believe it was for the best. And now Shuichi had fallen so deep into his own thoughts that he was having a hard time believing a word Yamazaki had said to him.

After that confrontation, he'd scurried off home, made himself dinner, eaten at the table instead of the sofa, and forced himself to think about something else. There wasn't a lot to his life, he reiterated to himself. Most days were the same. He went to work, he came home, he went to bed. At weekends, he was usually too lazy to do much of anything.

But why was he even thinking like this? It would just get him upset or irrational or worse. He didn't trust himself not to do something stupid. So Shuichi just served himself a second helping, put his leftovers in the fridge, took a bath, and went to bed.

As much as he had tried to avoid it earlier, his thoughts went back to his conversation with Yamazaki.

Just because Yamazaki had yelled at him, didn't mean he had to actually _do_ anything about it.

Just who did that guy think he was?

Trying to govern Shuichi's life like this, after taking Makoto from him.

Even if he'd mostly accepted that Makoto had chosen to leave him, and had started to move on.

Even if Yuusuke made him happy.

Even if-

Shuichi was startled awake by his alarm clock, and he blinked slowly, leaving it to keep beeping at him.

How much of that had he dreamed?

Maybe- maybe he'd dreamed up the past few weeks and- and he'd wake up back in bed with Yuusuke, before all this had happened?

Shuichi turned around, the naïve hope he'd had being crushed immediately, and sighed. Reaching for his alarm clock, and turning it off with a slam of his fist, he got up; it was time to go to work again.

-

Half-four. Yuusuke was late for his shift.

He was supposed to be there at five, and it would take him longer to get there than the time left he had.

Of all the things to happen, he'd fallen asleep at the TV thinking about Shuichi; trying to work out what he'd done wrong that time at the bar, when Shuichi had run away from him. And now he was running down the street, in his work clothes, in the hopes that no one would notice if he just snuck in from the back.

It had gone five a while ago, but Yuusuke was nearly there now, and he only stopped running when he saw-

 _Shuichi._ It had been weeks, and here he was, probably on his way home from work. Finally, Yuusuke's chance had come. Shuichi was talking on the phone, looking irritated and worried, but Yuusuke approached him anyway, desperate to see him after what had felt like forever.

Yuusuke waved at him, and Shuichi's big eyes widened behind his glasses, his words coming out stuttered as he spoke down the phone.

The advice Makoto had given him was ringing in his ears, and he figured he'd have to be quick, since he still had to get to work.

"Good to see you," Yuusuke mouthed, and Shuichi nodded at him hurriedly, swallowing before turning back to his conversation. Yuusuke watched for a moment, a little disappointed, but he waved goodbye and walked away, squeezing between two parked cars to cross the street.

He walked out, looking to his left, checking the time again to see how late he was-

But a strangled cry came from behind him, causing him to look around.

"Yuusuke!"

Shuichi was standing back on the kerb, a hand outstretched, but his gaze was far to Yuusuke's right. He followed Shuichi's eyes, legs suddenly freezing in place, as Yuusuke saw what Shuichi did.

_"Y- Yuusuke!!"_

There was a truck headed straight at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you don't know what should happen next?
> 
> ...Turn everything to shit OvO


	12. Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi says 'my lord' far too many times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuusuke lives :'D

Yuusuke's head spun, and his vision swam nauseatingly for several moments after his eyes opened.

Lights shone in his eyes, and Yuusuke winced, looking away. There was a warm body lying on top of his, and gently, Yuusuke smiled as he recognised a head of messy black hair.

"Shuichi..." He cooed, running his fingers through shining dark curls, and clothing rustled as Shuichi looked up at him, relief filling his pale face.

"You're awake," Shuichi said, "Thank goodness."

Yuusuke's smile widened even further and he wrapped his arms around Shuichi, squeezing him tightly, snickering as Shuichi let out a cute little noise of surprise.

"My- my lord," He said, pushing against Yuusuke and sitting up on his knees, and Yuusuke's brow furrowed.

"What?" He said, shuffling back in his seat so he was on eye-level with Shuichi. "Did you just call me lord? And why are you in a- Is that a toga?"

"My lord! If you'll excuse my exclamation, this is not a toga. I had this robe woven from the finest silk in the land."

Yuusuke blinked, eyes wide, and nodded. "Oh- okay. Sorry?"

"Do not apologise, my lord, for it's no fault of yours."

"Okay..."

Yuusuke looked around, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He was about to launch into more questions for Shuichi, when-

_Wait, oh my god, Shuichi. Shuichi everywhere. Shuichi is everywhere._

_Did I not notice this before?!_

"My lord, is something the matter?"

Yuusuke was struck into silence, looking around him at all the Shuichis, running as far as the eye could see. There were Shuichis playing chess, Shuichis playing poker, Shuichis at bars, Shuichis glaring at each other as they hurried about their business; even a crowded train car full of commuting Shuichis (probably going to work with even more Shuichi colleagues).

"Why are there so many of you?" Yuusuke breathed, looking around himself in awe, but Shuichi just stared at him in confusion.

"What do you mean, my lord? We all vow to serve you in any way we can."

"Serve me?"

"Yes, lord."

"Serve me, like serve me ice cream?"

"...If that is what you desire, I'm sure it can be arranged, my lord," Shuichi said, blinking at him innocently, and Yuusuke grinned.

"No, I was joking. Thanks though, that's good to know?"

"Not at all, my lord, I will do my best to answer any further questions you may have," Shuichi said, and Yuusuke grinned at him.

"Thank you."

He shuffled out from under Shuichi, allowing himself a second to peek at his mostly exposed chest, and stood up, glancing in amusement at the huge pile of silk cushions he had been sitting on.

Shuichi looked up at him from the pillows, and Yuusuke blinked, imitating his expression.

"Are you coming too?"

Shuichi took a shocked breath, and scrambled to his feet, bowing as he stood next to Yuusuke.

"Yes, lord, thank you." He said, following along behind Yuusuke, almost stumbling on the fabric pooling around his feet.

Yuusuke caught Shuichi and steadied him, tilting his head as Shuichi flushed scarlet, and smiled, taking Shuichi's arm and leading him across the cool marble floor.

They passed more Shuichis on their way, most of whom bowed and addressed him with some term of respect, one Shuichi wearing a tiara even calling Yuusuke "Your majesty", which was slightly embarrassing.

The Shuichi by Yuusuke's side kept looking up at him nervously, like he was trying to say something, but even when Yuusuke asked him what was wrong he just shook his head quickly. Yuusuke looked away, a soft frown on his face, trying to rub Shuichi's arm in some kind of a reassuring way.

He glanced around, and saw in the distance a small bed. A small bed occupied by two Shuichis... Two Shuichis making out.

 _Holy shit, I want in on that,_ Yuusuke thought, feeling his grip on Shuichi's arm go tight. He looked at Shuichi out of the corner of his eye, sucking at his lip.

"So uh... You guys can serve me in any way, right? Any way at all."

"Yes, lord, we will serve you in any way you desire," Shuichi said, and a blush started to form across Yuusuke's face.

"G...good to know," He said again, starting to inconspicuously make his way towards the bed. He wasn't sure how to lead Shuichi off his scent, but then he realised that maybe this Shuichi could even be persuaded to join in too. This Shuichi was probably Yuusuke's favourite, and it wouldn't hurt to just ask him, right?

They eventually reached the bed, and Yuusuke was surprised and a little disappointed to discover how young the two Shuichis were. He couldn't tell exactly, but they were certainly a lot younger than Yuusuke. Too young for him, probably.

He stood a few paces away from them, immediately feeling guilty for watching, but then the youngest-looking Shuichi on the bottom noticed he was there and let out a loud gasp.

The Shuichi on top ceased attacking younger Shuichi's neck with open-mouthed kisses, and looked up in turn. Realisation dawned on his face, and then he gasped as well, stuttering out an addressal. "Ta- Tanaka-Sensei!"

Yuusuke was about to apologise and leave, but them something ticked in his brain.

 _Sensei? Fuck._ "Shit, are you two high schoolers?" Yuusuke said, face immediately flushing in shame, and the two boys nodded. They were even younger than Yuusuke had thought.

The Shuichi in the toga- no, the robes- suddenly seemed to go quiet as Yuusuke groaned, mentally slapping himself for being such a creep, and turning away to the bed.

"Carry on," Yuusuke said, marching off with robed Shuichi in tow. He sighed, covering his eyes with a hand. _Ugh_...

"You idiot. What the hell did you jump in front of a truck for?"

 _Eh?_ Yuusuke's hand dropped and he looked up. Was that... Yamazaki? What was he doing here?

Yuusuke spun around, looking behind him, and sure enough, Yamazaki and Tachibana were standing by Shuichi's side. Tachibana's arms were around Shuichi's shoulders, and Yamazaki was just glaring straight at Yuusuke.

"What?" Yuusuke asked, but Tachibana was talking over him.

"Don't worry, Shuichi," he said, squeezing Shuichi's shoulders, "Don't worry. It'll be okay."

Shuichi just frowned at the floor, looking close to tears.

Night came quickly; so quickly in fact that Yuusuke couldn't remember that any time had passed when it came. Yuusuke found himself back on the cushion pile, along with Shuichi.

They were fine at first. Yuusuke even managed to coax the robe off of Shuichi's shoulders, and get him to give a Yuusuke a few kisses. But then, suddenly, tears started to pour down Shuichi's face.

"What's wrong?" Yuusuke said, shocked, but Shuichi didn't seem to hear him.

"Please," he sobbed, "Yuusuke. Wake up... Yuusuke..."

"Shuichi? Wha- I'm awake, Shuichi!"

"I'm so sorry, Yuusuke... Yuusuke, please, wake up..."

Shuichi's head dropped to Yuusuke's chest and he continued to cry, and despite Yuusuke's desperate attempts to kiss and console him, the tears didn't stop falling from Shuichi's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think of this as poking fun at all Sousuke's dirty fantasies (which I love very much by the way)
> 
> Yuusuke's dream is pure nonsense at first, but when Sousuke and Makoto show up, everything he hears are things everyone is actually saying to him.


	13. You did it Yuusuke! You woke up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENTS!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! D: Gah every time I read through this I was having trouble identifying problems, so most of them are probably still in there... ;_;

Yuusuke was perfectly happy on his cushion pile after Shuichi had stopped crying. He still wouldn't say what had upset him, but having Shuichi warm and bundled up in his arms silenced Yuusuke's concerns for the time being.

"I'm happy to tell you he may wake up very soon."

Yuusuke didn't know who had spoken, but he immediately recognised Shuichi's voice, despite it being seemingly quiet and broken from crying.

"That's... That's good. I..."

"It is good news, but even so, sir, I'm afraid you'll have to leave now. Visiting hours are over."

_What? Visiting hours?_

Shuichi looked up, his face still tear-stained, and began to lift himself off of Yuusuke. _Visiting hours, bullshit._

"Shuichi, wait!" Yuusuke said, sitting up and grabbing Shuichi's arm. "I'm the lord here, right? Can't- can't I extend the visiting hours?"

Shuichi hung back for a second, eyes searching Yuusuke's, but after a second he got up, starting to walk away.

"Shuichi!" Yuusuke cried, scrambling to his feet. Pillows scattered across the floor, a sea of purple and gold; Yuusuke had blinked, and Shuichi was suddenly gone. Yuusuke was left alone, stretching his hand out into the consuming darkness and finding nothing, chest heaving, as he tried to call for Shuichi.

"Shu- Sh-"

His eyes snapped open, shocked at the hoarse whisper in his voice, and Yuusuke was once again blinded by white light. He was disorientated; he had tried to snap to attention as he woke up, but all his weak body had done was twitch, spine lifting into the air before coming back down with a thud.

Yuusuke's neck couldn't support itself, and his head fell to the right, a weak attempt at shielding his dazzled eyes. His breaths became desperate and heavy, because he had finally found Shuichi, standing in the doorway, jaw slack as the two of them watched each other's every move.

He'd found him. The real Shuichi, robes gone, in his black suit and tie.

Yuusuke's arm twitched towards Shuichi, limbs heavy, but Shuichi's eyes whipped away. He was staring, pleading with someone, and Yuusuke didn't care to look to see who.

"Ah, he's awake... I'll have to get the doctor," A voice said. "Alright, you can stay with him until then."

Shuichi bit his lip. "...Thank you."

The door closed, and Shuichi looked back at Yuusuke. Both staring at each other, both unable to break the silence.

Yuusuke's eyes skipped dizzily over the room, trying to focus on Shuichi's face. It felt like the the world's weight was pressing against him, while Shuichi took a step, then he took two; and then he was leaning over Yuusuke's bed, hand clasping at Yuusuke's.

"Yuusuke..."

Yuusuke's fingers curled, gripping Shuichi tighter. "Don't go," he said, voice scratching painfully, and sure enough, Shuichi was crying again. Yuusuke wasn't dreaming this time, and it hit home ten times as hard.

"I have to," Shuichi said. "Yuusuke, you're- you're so pale. This never should have happened..."

Yuusuke tried to move his head, feeling his hand shaking, but Shuichi carried on.

"Th- this is my f-fault..."

Shuichi's hand seemed to be shaking now too, and he dropped Yuusuke's to rub his eyes. Yuusuke watched him, heart thudding weakly.

"No," He said. "No."

Shuichi looked up at him, shocked into silence, but he seemed to relent. Yuusuke closed his eyes as Shuichi's hand curled back around his, and he hoped his exhausted smile was strong enough for both of them.

-

Yuusuke was asleep most times Shuichi came to visit him. Shuichi might have minded, if he couldn't stop smiling at the thought of Yuusuke sleeping his days away in bed at home.

"His condition is improving," The nurse said. "He should make a full recovery. There's no more need to worry."

Shuichi let out a relieved breath, sneaking a glance at Yuusuke sprawled out on his hospital bed. He felt himself begin to finally relax.

-

"Did no one ever teach you how to cross the street when you were a kid? Stop, look, listen? Ringing any bells?"

Yamazaki's chiding words made Yuusuke laugh nervously as he tried to think of some kind of excuse, but Tachibana stopped him, smiling with a sigh, and picked up Yuusuke's hand.

"He's just glad you're alright."

"Sure." Yamazaki tutted, leaning back in his chair. "Hey Tanaka, has Shuichi come to talk to you about anything yet?"

"Uhh," Yuusuke's brow furrowed. "Not... Really? He has been coming to visit me a lot, which is really nice, but..."

Yamazaki's eyebrows shot up before a scowl crossed his face, and he leant forwards, exasperated. "He _still_ hasn't spoken to you?"

Yuusuke was trying to reply when he was interrupted by Yamazaki again, shaking his head as he looked at Tachibana.

"That man is truly an idiot. Why did you ever date him?"

"Hey!" Yuusuke snapped, but Yamazaki didn't acknowledge him at all.

"Sousuke, he's not an idiot. Whatever you've said to Shuichi, Tanaka was just in a coma. It may not have been the place."

It was Yamazaki's turn to blink in shock, and he looked down stubbornly. "...Well... Yeah, but... still."

Tachibana let go of Yuusuke's hand to take Yamazaki's, and smiled warmly at Yuusuke.

"It's a good sign that he's coming to visit you, Tanaka," he said. "He may be getting more comfortable being around you."

"Really?" Yuusuke said, forgetting all about Yamazaki's insults.

-

"Thank god for sick pay!" Yuusuke cheered, unlocking his front door. He'd been let out after a few weeks, and while being hospitalised hadn't been fun at all, he did feel better now. And as a bonus, he had an excuse not to go to work (and catch up on all the fun he'd missed out on).

Shuichi had come home with him, insisting he should be there to ensure nothing went wrong, and even better than being off work, maybe even better than being out of hospital, was the fact that Shuichi was wearing a t-shirt.

Shuichi looked adorable, wearing his t-shirt. This was the first time Yuusuke had seen Shuichi out of a suit.

_Well, uh... Apart from the time I saw him naked. That was pretty good too._

"Be careful," Shuichi reminded him, looking nervously at the bandages Yuusuke was wrapped in, and Yuusuke grinned.

"I love having you look after me, Shuichi, darling." He giggled at the frown on Shuichi's face, and lead him into the living room.

Shuichi sighed. "Someone has to do it, Yuusuke, you're truly helpless."

They sat down together on the couch, and they fell silent, Yuusuke's smile beginning to fade a little as he looked down at the floor. Shuichi watched him, suddenly concerned, and he shuffled a little closer. Yuusuke looked back at him.

"Um... A-are you alright? I didn't really mean you were helpless..." He said, fidgeting a little.

Yuusuke hurried to reply, waving his hands madly. "No, no! That's not it."

Shuichi blinked, but stayed silent, unsure how to try and prompt Yuusuke to continue.

"I really appreciate you looking after me," Yuusuke said eventually. "And the nurse told me you kept coming to visit me even though I just slept all the time. That was so sweet of you, and I'm really grateful. Like, really, really. So much. But..."

Shuichi tensed, visually becoming anxious.

"But aren't you taking a lot of time off work just for me? I... don't want you to get in trouble or anything. I really am alright on my own."

Shuichi breathed in, looking away, then sighed, gloom setting in on his face.

"The thing is," Shuichi said, "I... Yuusuke, I actually... Lost my job."

Yuusuke balked. "What?!"

"Yes. It's... Frustrating, but... It's true." Shuichi's shoulders drooped, lips twisting as he spoke. "When you... When you were talking to me before the truck hit you... I was on the phone to my boss. He wanted me back at the office because he said my work was incomplete."

Yuusuke's jaw hung slack, and he searched Shuichi's face with wide eyes.

"But... I didn't go back, because I wanted to go with you to the hospital. So he told me not to come back the next day."

"Oh my god!" Yuusuke breathed, shocked. "Shuichi... Oh my god. You lost your job over..."

Shuichi nodded. "I've been trying to get interviews, but it's pointless. I haven't found anything."

Guilt hit Yuusuke hard, and he looked at his hands, lip worried between his teeth. "Shuichi- are you okay? Do you need anything? I can help you with-"

Shuichi looked down, blushing in shame. "I'd... No, I'd hate to ask anything of you."

Yuusuke sucked in a breath nervously, and grabbed Shuichi's hands in his.

"Shuichi," He said, pleading with his eyes.

Shuichi stared up at him, eyes darting across Yuusuke's face, and his mouth slowly opened. Shuichi's head hung as he started to talk.

"I- I can't afford the rent this month. So... Um... If you could lend me some money and I'll pay you back as soon as I can..."

Yuusuke gasped, pulling both their hands up under his chin. "Shuichi! Uh. You can move in with me until you find a job."

Shuichi's jaw dropped fully, and he stared at Yuusuke. "No, Yuusuke, I couldn't. I really-"

"You wouldn't have to worry about rent, then," Yuusuke said. "And you don't need to worry about being an imposition because I'd love to have you here-"

"Yuusuke," Shuichi said, almost in tears.

Yuusuke lowered Shuichi's hands slowly, trying to lower the intensity of his gaze.

"...Sorry. That was too much."

Shuichi swallowed, shaking his head. "No. No, it's incredibly generous of you to offer your home to me. I'm..."

Yuusuke sighed, eyes lowered to the floor.

"...I'll move in with you, Yuusuke."

"What?" Yuusuke gasped, shocked for the second time. "You don't have to if you're uncomfortable or-"

"No, I'm not," Shuichi said, his face serious. "I'd love to live with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, I put this into a text to speech thing to see if that would help me fix the problems, and it was hilarious listening to it trying to pronounce the names xD brb renaming the characters to Sha-ishi, Yoosuk, and Ssk (I'm not even kidding it literally interprets Sousuke as ssk).


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi gets settled in Yuusuke's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels a bit awkward in places, but oh well. It's going up anyway D:

Yuusuke smiled wide at Shuichi, resting an elbow on the steering wheel of his car as they pulled up at Shuichi's apartment.

"Are you sure you want to help?" Shuichi had protested. "I'm sure I can manage-"

"No, it's fine. You said yourself that you don't have much stuff." Yuusuke reassured him, patting Shuichi's hand. "And it'll be faster if I help too, so we can get you moved in quicker, darling."

Shuichi sighed, frowning at the smug grin on Yuusuke's face, but he undid his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Yuusuke followed him, sidling up to Shuichi, standing a little closer to him than usual. Shuichi didn't react other than a quick glance at him from the corner of his eye.

He unlocked his front door, and Yuusuke followed him inside, kicking his shoes off at the entrance. Shuichi put his keys in a small bowl on a counter, and Yuusuke smiled, looking around him in interest at the interior.

A large, circular mirror hung in the hall, and Yuusuke's smile widened at Shuchi's dismissal of it as they walked past.

"That's nice," he commented, and Shuichi looked up, surprised to hear that coming from Yuusuke.

"Oh, that," he said, looking at the mirror in distaste. "That was here when I moved in. It's such a pain to keep clean."

Yuusuke scratched at his collar awkwardly, smiling at Shuichi. "Oh," he said. Yuusuke had never cleaned his mirror. Well, he cleaned his bathroom mirror, but not any of the other mirrors in his house, not really.

"I've put most of the boxes in the living room. Hopefully we'll be able to take them all in one trip," Shuichi said briskly. "If not..."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Yuusuke said lightly, sending a reassuring smile Shuichi's way. "Anyway, I don't mind coming back here more than once. It's not that far."

Shuichi nodded, looking slightly more relaxed.

They relayed the boxes to the car together, and Yuusuke watched as Shuichi clearly averted his eyes from the mirror for the second time.

"Don't you like your reflection?" He asked, shifting the box in his grip, but his well-meaning smile started to fade as Shuichi turned and stared at him over his shoulder.

Shuichi's eyes dropped to the ground, and he cleared his throat, quietly opening the front door. Yuusuke quickly decided it would be best not to push for a response.

-

Yuusuke was happy to cook dinner for Shuichi, and they ate together over the small table. Yuusuke smiled at his cactus plant, which was still looking lively, despite the fact he hadn't watered it in weeks. Cactus plants apparently didn't need much water, but Yuusuke liked to think that Shuichi might've been coming over to water it for him.

They watched TV together for a while, both much too lazy to try to start unpacking boxes, and a quiet yawn from Shuichi reminded Yuusuke they still had to sort out sleeping arrangements.

"Are you tired?" Yuusuke asked, and Shuichi looked away, embarrassed.

"Well, a bit..."

"Okay. Hold on."

Yuusuke got up and walked to his bedroom, Shuichi following behind him like a small animal, and flung the door open. He winced at the slight mess inside.

"Time to roll out the futon!" He said anyway, bumping his hip against Shuichi's. "You can have my bed. I'll be in the living room, but if you need me, just come and wake me up. I won't mind."

Shuichi frowned for a moment, and stepped forwards, stopping Yuusuke from leaving the small bedroom. "I won't take your bed, Yuusuke, who knows how long I could be here for. I will sleep on the futon."

Yuusuke waved his hand dismissively and shook his head. "Nah," He said, palm going to his cheek as he considered their options. "If you don't want to take my bed, maybe we could swap around or... Or we could share."

Yuusuke smirked, and Shuichi blinked, definitely internally refusing to blush. Snickering, Yuusuke turned back to the cupboard holding the futon, pulling it open haphazardly. He was about to wish Shuichi good night and leave him be, but his wrist was suddenly grabbed from behind.

Yuusuke couldn't help the laughter that escaped him, being dragged across the room towards the bed, and having his arm flung down towards the mattress.

Shuichi seemed to have tried to throw Yuusuke down onto the bed by the arm, but all he succeeded in doing was cause Yuusuke to stare at him in stunned silence, a dazed smile on his face.

Shuichi stared back at him, a stormy glare slowly forming on his features. "Please just get in the bed," He snapped, and Yuusuke grinned.

"You first," Yuusuke said, and Shuichi's glare deepened, making Yuusuke laugh even harder.

"Why?"

"It's a memory foam mattress! If you sleep on that side you'll be sleeping in a huge dent shaped like me. I'm being courteous, Shuichi."

Shuichi huffed, and climbed into the bed, shifting across and pulling the covers up to his chin. Yuusuke got in after him, smiling sweetly.

"Don't try anything," Shuichi said, and Yuusuke gasped, fluttering his eyelashes innocently.

"Me?" He said, placing his hand over his chest. "I wouldn't even consider it. You have my word, darling."

"You're swearing on your right lung, darling." Shuichi said with a disapproving glance, voice dripping with sarcasm, and Yuusuke laughed.

"Oh." He said, adjusting his hand to the other side, and bowing his head nobly. "There. Now you have my word."

Shuichi sighed a little, taking off his glasses, and handed them to Yuusuke to put on the bedside table. Suddenly, Yuusuke was glad Shuichi couldn't see ten centimetres past his face, because if he could he would've seen Yuusuke blushing madly. And all at something as insignificant as Shuichi, naked of glasses. He just had such gorgeous eyes.

Shuichi reached down and pulled off his jeans, and kicked them onto the floor, leaving his legs bare. If Yuusuke wasn't still blushing quite obviously, he probably would have thought to try and sneak a look.

They gently fell silent, however, and Yuusuke looked down, wondering whether to wish Shuichi good night before either of them fell asleep.

He didn't have the chance. They'd avoided talking about it most of the time Yuusuke was in hospital, but as Yuusuke's eyes were falling closed, Shuichi brought up the subject of the car accident.

"...I'm sorry about what happened." He muttered, turning his face away. "...All of it was so preventable."

Yuusuke shuffled a little closer, trying to find Shuichi's hand under the duvet. "I know, Shuichi. But I'm telling you, don't blame yourself for it. It really was my fault for not looking where I was going. And you even reacted and warned me it was coming, so the driver probably heard you too and started to slow down. Anyway, so what if I broke a few ribs? I'm fine now."

"It's not really as easy as that," Shuichi mumbled, but Yuusuke frowned.

"Don't. Please, don't blame yourself, Shuichi. Even though some bad things happened." he said. "I won't kiss you since you told me not to, but..."

He kissed the tips of his fingers and brought them to Shuichi's cheek, lingering there a moment, before he smiled and drew away.

"Good night, Shuichi. I hope you sleep well."

-

Deep into the night, Shuichi awoke suddenly, strangely aware of the curtains flapping by the open window.

It was practically still the middle of winter. Why was Yuusuke sleeping with the windows open?

Strangely, though, Shuichi didn't feel cold either.

He rubbed his eyes, confused as to what had woken him, until he realised there was a heartbeat by his ear.

Shuichi lifted his head, looking around him, and his jaw set in irritation as he noticed that Yuusuke's arms were wrapped around him.

Embarrassing though it was, it wasn't the real problem, oh no. They'd both gravitated towards each other in the middle, and tangled their legs together. Yuusuke was lying on his back with one arm slung behind Shuichi's shoulders, and the other resting on Shuichi's back, keeping him close. But even that still wasn't the real problem.

The real problem was that Shuichi's arms were underneath Yuusuke's.

Shuichi had latched onto Yuusuke first.

_Oh, how humiliating._

Shuichi sighed, surrendering to himself to his fate without much of a fight. If they woke up in this position in the morning, Shuichi was sure he'd be teased mercilessly for it, but with his head against Yuusuke's broad chest, he forgot about that.

He hesitated. He bit his lip, and he kissed Yuusuke's heart, covered up by his loose t-shirt.

_I owe Yuusuke so much._

Shuichi drew away from him, afraid to be caught, but he couldn't bring himself to let Yuusuke go. He felt his eyes drooping.

_I won't resist him anymore._

_I..._

Shuichi tutted. He'd realised he'd almost confessed his love in his own head, and rested back against Yuusuke's chest in resentment.

He was sure he could allow himself this luxury before he moved onto things like that.

The accident that had happened was terrifying, but Shuichi still couldn't bear to move too fast.

-

He awoke in the morning to a jittery, blushing, grinning Yuusuke.

"G-good morning," Yuusuke blurted out, and Shuichi sighed as he felt Yuusuke's hands twitching where they rested on the small of Shuichi's back.

Well, he hadn't woken up curled over Yuusuke's chest, but he had woken up facing him, arms wrapped around his waist, which was really just as bad.

 _Oh well,_ he thought, _It's fine. I know how I can make him happy._

"Good morning," Shuichi said, smiling sweetly, then he looked down and curled back into Yuusuke's chest. His eyebrows furrowed as he heard Yuusuke practically start to hyperventilate, and he sighed as he found a smile, real this time, playing on his own face.

He cuddled into him a little, and Yuusuke let out a cross between a shriek and a squeal, although he attempted to muffle it with his hands. Shuichi snorted into Yuusuke's neck.

"You are unbelievably stupid," he said, shuffling backwards, and looking up at Yuusuke, whose hands were still clamped over his mouth.

"I... I'm sorry," he whispered between his fingers, "You're just being so cute today..."

"Really?" Shuichi mumbled, looking away.

"You're always cute, but this is... It's too much," Yuusuke said, looking close to tears.

Shuichi stared at him, frowning slightly, for a few seconds, before he rolled onto his back and sat up.

"I'm going to get something to eat," he said, and scurried away to the kitchen. Yuusuke's pleas for Shuichi to come back to bed fell on deaf ears, and eventually Yuusuke gave up and followed after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both of them just want to make the other happy ;v;


	15. Titriffic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter full of fluff (and not the good kind).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhh, this took forever, and I don't think it's really that great...
> 
> Oh well, at least this update is long because I padded it out with ANOTHER DREAM SEQUENCE!! Yay.

Shuichi had the foulest mouth at times, Yuusuke noted.

When he dropped a plate in the sink full of washing up, he huffed and called it a bastard. He stubbed his toe on a corner, and even as tears welled up in his eyes, he still managed to tell it that it was a 'stupid fuckface'. Best of all though, he smashed a cup and Yuusuke got to hear Shuichi venomously mutter _tits_ on his hands knees; mopping up scalding tea.

"I'll get it," Yuusuke said, forcing the smile off his face.

"Thank you," Shuichi sighed. "Sorry, I burned my hand, I'd better go and run it under cold water."

Yuusuke knelt down and cleaned up the remaining tea and pieces of broken china; grinning to himself.

_Tits. Heheh._

More seriously, though, was Shuichi always this clumsy? He'd already injured himself (minorly, at least) twice today. And a teacup. And a plate, by chipping it. Yuusuke didn't really care about the broken crockery, he was just suddenly worried that something was up.

He got off his hands and knees and walked quietly through his apartment, peeping around the kitchen door at Shuichi running his hand under the tap.

He was frowning, looking distant as the cold water ran. Yuusuke hung back for a few more seconds, and Shuichi sighed, massaging his forehead with his free hand.

Eyebrows tilting, Yuusuke walked into the kitchen, throwing the teacup and the used kitchen roll in the bin.

"Are you okay?" He cooed gently. Yuusuke sidled up behind Shuichi and wound his arms around his waist, then he dropped his head low, pressing his cheek against Shuichi's and nuzzling him tenderly.

_Wait._

Shuichi was staring at him, looking mortified, and Yuusuke blinked back, cheek still squished up against Shuichi's.

"Uh."

_Well, good thing I didn't kiss him as well, that could've really made things awkward._

Yuusuke grimaced, and backed off. "I, uh... Was just checking your temperature, you know, making sure you don't have a fever."

"Oh," Shuichi said, not trying to hide the unconvinced look on his face at all.

"...And it seems like your temperature's fine! But you do look a bit... kinda..."

Shuichi waited.

"Kinda... Look, I don't know. Are you alright? You're feeling okay? ...Or... not so much?"

Shuichi turned away, his breath hovering in the air, and he nodded. "No, I'm fine."

Yuusuke looked at him for a second, silently trying to ask him if he was sure, but Shuichi didn't give him a response whether verbal or not.

-

Later, they curled up together in bed again, and Yuusuke was staring up out of the window with a huge smile spread across his face.

"Wow," he said, in rapture. "Look at the stars, Shuichi, they're so clear tonight."

He felt Shuichi shift next to him, and silence began to stretch out in the already quiet atmosphere. Eventually, Yuusuke looked up, only to see that Shuichi was staring at his hands.

"...I don't know if I like stars," Shuichi murmured, once he'd realised Yuusuke was watching him.

"Wha-" Yuusuke was shocked. "You don't like stars? Why not?"

Shuichi sighed and turned his face away, starting to fidget. "Well, if you can see the stars, it means that the night will be cold. Since there's no cloud cover? It's just... You know. And if you're asleep, you can't see them anyway, so..."

He trailed off, still looking away from Yuusuke, as another, deeper silence descended between them.

Yuusuke thought about trying to reply. He thought, but he couldn't seem to find any words that fit, so he shuffled closer to Shuichi, pressing his body against him.

He looked over at Yuusuke, dark eyes blinking from behind his glasses, and Yuusuke's heart thudded as he slipped his arm over Shuichi's waist.

"...Shuichi. Look," He whispered, voice firm. "I'm here to keep you warm, so... You can, uh... Look at the stars if you want."

Shuichi frowned, the blush on his face visible even in the darkness. "W- well-" he looked like he was about to try and protest, but then he said, "...Please pass me my glasses, then."

The concern on Yuusuke's face melted and he smiled, cuddling into Shuichi a little more than he meant to.

And ooh, look. Shuichi had told him to absolutely not make any moves, but he certainly wasn't pulling back. So Yuusuke's heart thudded away excitedly, imagining placing a hand on Shuichi's cheek, turning him around and then kissing him right then and there.

_Shit_ , _maybe I could actually do it._

_I could..._

_Sure, he might punch me or something, but maybe I could still... Yeah..._

He didn't. Even so, Yuusuke was still smiling as he handed over Shuichi's glasses.

...Shuichi seemed a little less guarded without his glasses on. Maybe a little vulnerable.

_If I leant in, he wouldn't know until the last second. Maybe too late for him to stop me..._ Yuusuke thought, but he forced himself not to go down that route.

_See, that's bordering on creepy. I won't force him._

_But..._

Yuusuke looked at Shuichi, staring out of the window at the city skyline backlit with stars, and smiled as the man's arms tightened around him.

-

_I am so fucking hungry._

Shuichi had been walking for days trying to pick his way through a stupidly large plain, and the only shake-ups to the formula so far had been the patches of cold dirt sprinkled in between the dull green of the grass.

He was just- he really needed to eat something. Anything at this point; even a pigeon would do.

Pigeons were such a pain to catch though, since they could fly. And they were always waddling around in packs, cooing at each other like they hadn't a care. So irritating.

Shuichi's feet dragged and he squinted, noticing a large tree a few yards away. Oh, wonderful, a shadow; he had somewhere to shelter from this sweltering fourteen degree heat.

But...

_Oh. Look at that!_

There was a lamb under that tree, and Shuichi licked his lips, feeling his claws start to extend instinctively.

The tiny lamb was just sitting there and playing with the grass, while his brownish wool blew in the wind.

Shuichi crouched down and glanced around him, but there was nobody else there. Not another sheep in sight. That lamb was just... sitting there, all alone. And Shuichi was so hungry...

He kept his belly low to the ground, creeping through the grass, eyes sharp and ears back.

This whole situation was far too good to be true.

But what kind of sheep flock would pull some weird trick on a wolf using a lamb as bait? Surely not. Then again, why was there just a lamb sitting here by himself?

Shuichi suppressed the growl his stomach wanted to make, and looked around once again.

_It really does seem like there's no one else here._

In a split second, the lamb suddenly looked up, blinking his big green eyes, and twitching his ears. Shuichi froze, and wondered how good the senses of hearing and smell of a lamb were, arms quivering where they strained to keep him so low to the ground.

_Shit, he's noticed me..._

_...Wait_.

A huge brown ram, probably larger than Shuichi himself, approached the lamb with big smile on his face, and he greeted him amicably.

"Makoto, there you are. Come on, we've got to go back," he said.

Makoto's lip wobbled and he looked around nervously, before he leant up to the bigger sheep and whispered something in his ear.

_Oh, for fuck's sake._ Shuichi rolled his eyes _. Could you be any more obvious? Don't you think I know you know I'm here by now?_

The sheep's expression hardened and he glanced up, putting a hand on Makoto's back.

"Go back. I think Sousuke was looking for you," he told him, and Makoto nodded sagely and hopped away.

_No- noo, my meal..._ Shuichi moaned internally, before sighing, and weighing his options in his head. _Well, it's either try and run after the lamb, or grab the big one and drag him away_.

_I don't really like mutton_ , he reasoned, and the lamb wasn't that far off.

Shuichi thought, fuck it.

He crouched his back legs, he snarled, and he pounced, catching up immediately to the lamb and grinning as he knocked it onto it's back.

He smiled down at the pair of big green eyes blown up wide, and the sweet little yelp the lamb had let out. The large friend of the poor lamb had lost his footing as Shuichi had jumped past him and he'd ended up landing painfully on his side, but only now did Shuichi realise that wasn't sure how to handle him so he wouldn't try and intervene; maybe he could just chomp his leg so he couldn't move or-

Shuichi was a suddenly hit by an intense force in the side and was blown off of the lamb, leaving it to scrabble up to it's feet.

Shuichi rolled, scuffling with someone bigger and broader than him, and ended up on his back, with a huge pair of curled horns pointing straight down at his head.

"Don't touch him!" The ram yelled in Shuichi's face.

...A wolf, tackled and pinned by a sheep; how embarrassing.

But Shuichi hadn't lost. He met the ram's eyes with a strained smile on his face, feeling a large pair of hands gripping at his fists. His arms shook, but he pushed back, watching as panic filled the big sheep's expression, and he shoved him off. Rolling them both over, and pinning the ram to the ground, Shuichi's sharp teeth bore as he smirked; there was no way a sheep could beat a wolf when it came to strength... Once it had lost the element of surprise.

The sheep's eyes widened in fear and he shouted, almost shrieked orders to the lamb, telling it to run, and Shuichi watched it do so, starting to snicker.

"Mr. Ram, my dear," He began, "You do realise I could rip out your throat and leave you right here."

"Oh god." He heard the ram croak, which only served to amuse him.

He leant down slowly and pressed his teeth against the skin bare of wool on the sheep's jaw, then licked at it, tasting the sweat forming on his body. "I could... leave you all alone here to bleed out, while I kill and eat the rest of your flock, couldn't I?"

The sheep's breath came in short gasps, rightfully afraid for it's life.

"Oh, what will they do without their big, brave ram to protect them?"

The ram hissed through his teeth, eyes screwed shut.

"Please," he said. "Stop. You can take me; just... leave the rest of them alone."

Shuichi's eyebrows raised, and as the ram's eyes opened, Shuichi began to smirk at the _oh shit_ expression on his face.

"Clearly, you've never tasted ram's meat before," he said, licking his teeth with his long tongue; mainly to show them off. "It's tough, no joy in eating it. Not worth the effort. Why do you think I went after the lamb?"

The ram's pupils shrank.

"I- You... How could you? Don't you think about what-"

"Seriously?" Shuichi said incredulously, shoulders shaking with laughter, "No!"

The sheep underneath Shuichi started to tremble in anger, and suddenly his hands were wrenched out of Shuichi's fists.

"I fucking hate wolves!" He screamed, forcing Shuichi to the ground and pinning him there with a hand on his neck.

His breathing cut off, Shuichi growled and swiped at the ram's arms, but to no avail. With his mouth hanging open in shock, he stared up at the ram; and the ram looked just as surprised, as if he had no idea what to do now that he'd pinned Shuichi to the floor.

The ram's eyes met Shuichi's and Shuichi's vision eventually started to blur; but even in this state, he was thinking this is fucking ridiculous. How... how had this sheep managed to best him?

All he could hear now was the ram's heavy breathing above him, and not even the swaying of the grass.

Minutes felt like they'd passed, but it surely couldn't have been that long... How long could someone survive without oxygen?

...The ram seemed to have changed his tune, however.

Shuichi gasped for air, but it was only partly because throat was no longer constricted.

"Wha- What are you doing?!" He groaned, because now all he could concentrate on was that the ram's thigh was grinding insistently against his crotch.

The ram smiled at him. "My," he said, "Wolves can be awfully incognizant, can't they?"

"What the-"

"Didn't you know you can never get a better fuck than with a sheep?"

Heat rushed to Shuichi's cheeks and he moaned, eyes struggling to focus once again.

"What are you-"

The ram smirked as he leaned in to claim Shuichi's mouth.

"Holy shit-" Shuichi snapped and he suddenly woke up, finding himself back in bed with Yuusuke.

What a stupid, weird, fucked up dream.

... _I_ _don't even want to think about that last part._ Shuichi thought, feeling his cheeks flush.

This waking up in the middle of the night had to stop; Shuichi was starting to feel exhausted every time he woke up in the morning because of the interruption in his sleep cycle. And anyway, having sex dreams like this was just awkward.

Especially since firstly, Shuichi was sure he was past the horny teen stage in his life, and secondly, the anthropomorphic sheep-man in his dream was clearly Yuusuke. And even more especially since Shuichi discovered he was hard now in the waking world too.

...Huh. Maybe he was a little off the hook though; Yuusuke's thigh really was rubbing up insistently against him.

_Oh, for fuck's sake_. Yuusuke was just as hard as Shuichi was, his cock pressed up against Shuichi's hip. Yuusuke's breathing was laboured and he was moaning quietly, right in Shuichi's ear, and his hips were also moving the smallest bit, fucking into the gap between Shuichi's back and the mattress.

The whole situation may have posed quite a large problem while Shuichi was attempting to get back to sleep.

_'You'll never get a better fuck than with a sheep?'_ Shuichi thought, after reminding himself to look up what incognizant meant when he got up. _That's some odd dream logic there for you..._

He sighed. Who was he kidding? Yuusuke was an incredibly good fuck.

The _best_ fuck.

...This really wasn't helping his hard-on go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're having trouble picturing Wolfichi and Sheepsuke, here's a (crappy) visual aid:
> 
> http://orig09.deviantart.net/a984/f/2016/275/8/4/even_i_have_no_idea_by_yumgry-dajkuyo.png
> 
> Also, the text-to-speech software is back again, calling that corner Shuichi stubbed his toe on a 'stupid fuckfuss'.


	16. Shuichi Ouyama- A Memoir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Shuichi's boring internal monologue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot about this while writing most of this fic, but Shuichi actually had a wife in the past... So uh... Here's a chapter that has some stuff about that in it.
> 
> Also, the opening of the chapter is pretty crude, so beware...... BEWARE THE PERSON WHO MAY BE READING OVER YOUR SHOULDER!!

Of course, Shuichi was still wide awake when Yuusuke moaned loudly and came in his underwear.

The shock abruptly woke Yuusuke up, who knew whether it was a good thing or not, and he began to whisper _shit_ , _shit_ , _shit_ over and over again. Yuusuke stared down at himself, startled, then at Shuichi as he searched his face for any possible signs of life.

...Shuichi sighed, quickly deciding it would probably be kindest to pretend to be asleep.

Still cursing under his breath, Yuusuke shuffled his hips back, and wormed his way out of Shuichi's hold to rush off and clean himself up.

 _If that was me, you wouldn't have let go_ , Shuichi scoffed in his head. Mildly exasperated as he listened to the shower running in the next room, Shuichi shook his head and rolled over again.

He lay silent for a little longer, and eventually the water shut off and Yuusuke came back. Shuichi could feel Yuusuke's eyes on him, though he tried hard to make his breathing seem natural.

"Sorry," he heard Yuusuke whisper, as he leant down and kissed Shuichi's cheek.

_Why's he apologising?_

_Was he dreaming about me?_

_...Eww._

Shuichi knew that he was only thinking that to try to distract himself from the kiss Yuusuke gave him, but apparently one wasn't enough; so Yuusuke kissed Shuichi again, and then again, each one moving a little further down the side of his face. A little further, and Yuusuke's mouth was hovering over his.

There was a pause, Yuusuke's breath hot against Shuichi's lips, and then Yuusuke was kissing Shuichi for real.

He lingered there for a second. He put a hand on Shuichi's cheek and pecked him once more, and then he had pulled away, walking away to the other side of the bed. He curled himself around Shuichi's body, immediately remaking himself comfortable and tucking Shuichi's head into his neck.

 _How can he just do that_? Shuichi thought, although he could feel Yuusuke squirming around, supposedly in embarrassment of what he'd just done.

-

Shuichi didn't really know what to do with himself. He hadn't had this much free time alone in several months.

Yuusuke had gone out grocery shopping, assuring Shuichi he'd be fine on his own, and left Shuichi to his own devices. Shuichi did the small amount of washing up lying around, put his clothes away in a drawer Yuusuke had cleared out for him, and lounged on the sofa, reading a book.

He put it down before long, though. Shuichi knew the story too well. It made him restless, the pages worn with use since Shuichi bought it a few years ago.

He sighed, looking at the book's inside cover.

Oh.

Oh wow.

This book wasn't his. This was his ex-wife's. He hadn't even thought about her once in all this time that had passed.

Shuichi was _married_ a year ago. Jesus- Being married. What strange period of Shuichi's life that was.

He'd been surprised when his parents had introduced him to a woman. It wasn't like they'd sprung it on him with no warning; it was just that whenever they'd spoken about it together in the past, Shuichi was sure they were just being light-hearted and that it would never really happen. But one evening they phoned him, and told him that they'd found someone they wanted him to meet with.

Shuichi didn't know how his parents would react if he came out as gay, so he never had. But for some reason he just hadn't expected that his parents never considered he might be anything other than straight.

_Well, I suppose I have myself to blame for that. How were they to know if I never told them..._

But regardless of that- the woman's name was Miyoushi Itsuki. Her visage combined an easy smile with sharp eyes, and like many people, she intimidated Shuichi. A lot. The first few times the two of them met, she would smile at Shuichi and bow to him, then look up with an evil, mischievous look on her face.

Hidden under her long hair, of course, so no one else could see.

Shuichi hadn't liked her especially, but after his initial resentment of this strange woman, he'd begun to try and be civil. After all, they had moved in together, and she did provide Shuichi with incredibly indulgent meals when it was her turn to cook.

They didn't really talk much. They didn't really see each other much, either. After they both got back from work, they'd eat, watch some TV, take turns using the bath. They stuck to their own halves of the bed. Shuichi lay on his back, Itsuki on her side. It was fine. They never went past a kiss on the cheek (and that was in the company of their parents), and although Shuichi supposed he missed seeing men a bit, it wasn't something that dwelled on his mind for a lot of the time.

Well, it didn't, but it suddenly did when he came home one night and there was Itsuki, perched on his couch and fooling around with a stranger he'd never seen before.

He'd gone red and slammed shut the screen door, and then he'd walked away, right out of the front door again.

Shuichi couldn't believe it when Itsuki didn't follow him. He'd gone back out and spent his night in a bar, and she hadn't contacted him at all. And then, he'd dragged himself away from the bar, and moved on to coffee shops, drinking and drinking pure caffeine to try to keep himself awake. He'd gone to work in the morning, and he'd got a lot done, considering he was running on zero hours of sleep that day. And then, after he'd clocked out at five, unsure what to do with himself as he made his way in the general direction of the train station, Itsuki had finally called him.

 _"Shuichi,"_  She'd said when he picked up. _"Uhmm... first things first, have you uh... told anyone?"_

"No," Shuichi replied, unable to hide his irritation that this is what she had chosen to open with.

 _"Well,"_ She said, _"Thanks... Uhh... So where'd you go last night? Are you okay?"_

Shuichi exhaled. He was so exasperated. "Aren't y-you going to explain yourself?"

_"Well, uh, I slept with Nanako last night? I didn't realise it'd be a problem, I was sure you were gay too."_

Wait, what?! "...Y- You're... We're- m-ma-"

_"We're married? Well yeah, but I only said yes to get my parents off my back. I- did you really not know that? I was constantly flirting with other girls all the time."_

"O-oh, my god." Was all Shuichi could reply.

Well, married life was a weird time indeed for Shuichi, and almost as soon as he'd hung up that phone call, he'd run the fuck away from there. He'd hand-written his parents a letter, telling them he was sorry for any kind of shame or scorn brought onto the Ouyama family name because of it- but he ran. He moved away to Tokyo and started again, transferring to another branch of his company in the city center, and making sure no one would find him.

Nobody he'd ever been with really seemed to care whether Shuichi was hurt or not, so he decided not to bother trying with commitment any more. He slept around with people here and there, thinking about how good it was to be in control and dominate other people, while he stayed out of the way with no chance of ever wrecking himself again with unnecessary emotions.

What was life without some indulgence, right? If he was just enjoying the best parts of being together with someone, it didn't matter if he skipped the rest of it. It had never brought him anything good so far, after all.

Yes, commitment wasn't for Shuichi- He avoided getting too close to anyone. But then, along came Makoto.

The details on how they met were hazy, so Shuichi assumed they must've found each other in a bar somehow. But he remembered seeing Makoto for the first time and being stunned. He was so beautiful, looking down sombrely into his glass, a dull glow in his green eyes. Shuichi, unknowingly at the time, fell for him instantly.

Well, who wouldn't.

He'd brought Makoto home. And somehow, despite Makoto's broader shoulders and heavier physique, he'd convinced Makoto to let him be on top. Shuichi's only advantage on Makoto was his height, and that came down to centimetres.

By the time they broke up, Makoto seemed to have outgrown him anyway. Or maybe Shuichi was never taller than him.

No, Makoto never stood at his full height when Shuichi knew him. His shoulders hunched inwards, and his face turned down.

But when Makoto had met Sousuke-

Shuichi's eyes narrowed, and he growled at himself. How many times had he told himself that this was his fault for ever letting himself fall for the man in the first place? And however much he tried to withdraw away and maintain his cold, unforgiving demeanour, it would never work out that way for him in the end?

The answer was _far too many times_ , and every single one of them far too late.

 

 

 

...This again.

 _Maybe I should have gone with Yuusuke_ , Shuichi thought idly, looking at the weak sun coming from behind the clouds.

_Or maybe he went out to get away from me._

_Don't be ridiculous!_ He told himself. _I've barely been living here two days. He wouldn't suddenly get sick of me after he's been so-_

_He's..._

_...I... I hope that won't happen._

Shuichi rubbed at his forehead anxiously.

_He wouldn't hurt me. Surely. I mean- he wouldn't on purpose..._

_I- I won't think about that._

_Stop moping, and do something useful._ He told himself. _Do the laundry. There we are, you're being productive again._

~

"Ah! Shuichi!" Yuusuke grinned. "You did my laundry!"

"It's no problem," Shuichi told him. "Didn't have anything better to do."

"Did you-" Yuusuke's face suddenly went pale.

 _Find your cum-stained underwear? Yes_ , Shuichi thought darkly. _A bit gross, but I suppose it's nothing I can't handle._

"It's fine," Shuichi said, averting his gaze, "Happens to us all."

"Oh," Yuusuke laughed nervously, still looking mortified. "Yeah, um. Thank you for doing it. You didn't have to."

Shuichi looked at the floor with an eyebrow raised, trying to keep the little affectionate smirk off his face.

"I, uh," Yuusuke said, abruptly changing the subject. "Bought some veggies and beef, and rice. For dinner."

"That sounds like it'll be good," Shuichi said, rubbing his neck. "Were you okay out by yourself?" He asked, and Yuusuke grinned, nodding happily.

"Awww, Shuichi's worrying about me," he crowed. Shuichi glared at him.

"If you'd died, I would be out on the street. But anyway," He said sternly, "I may have found a job."

Yuusuke's eyes shot open. "Oh my god! Shuichi, that's great!"

Shuichi nodded, closing his eyes, partly in tiredness and partly in relief. "I know, it is. I don't have it for certain yet, but I'll have to transcript spoken word for documents, stuff like that. And I get to work at home. It's only a bit above minimum wage though-"

Yuusuke cut him off by wrapping him up tight in a hug. "Ahhhh, little Shuichi's finding his way in the world!" He said, petting Shuichi's hair like he was a small child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tl;dr Shuichi wanted to replace human interaction with fucking random men, but it didn't really work because of how much he wanted to be in a romantic relationship with Makoto? I guess?


	17. Come on ride a train AND RIDE IT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They screw each other over (again)  
> Relevant chapter title is relevant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Shuichi, Shuichi look! The rating's gone up! That means we get to bang on camera!"
> 
> "W-wait, what?!"
> 
> Again, I was too lazy to do a final edit of this and I'm posting it at 1am, so who knows what terrible, crazy typos and repetition of entire sentences we'll see in there!!! :D  
> I might edit and post the new version tomorrow morning (gmt) but who knows.
> 
> To distract you, here's some easy listening you can read along to:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqU4d4Rej5A
> 
> Or if that song's not your thing:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt4GousdAzw

After his impromptu long vacation, Yuusuke was finally going back to work.

He slept in until twelve, and well, when Shuichi tried to get out of bed, Yuusuke's plan was to grab him, lock in and keep him in a vice-like grip. But it didn't really work out. Since Shuichi didn't wake up, even when Yuusuke did.

Come to think of it, had Shuichi ever woken up before Yuusuke since he moved in?

...Not that Yuusuke could think of.

And that meant _ohmygod Shuichi likes to sleep in, that is too darn cute, Shuichi your cuteness is causing me physical pain. Stop it. Actually don't because IT'S SO CUTE._

Yuusuke slipped out of Shuichi's arms, unwilling to stare at his sleeping face like some kind of creeper, and hurried away, almost falling on his face while trying to dress silently.

He ate cereal for breakfast. The bland-tasting kind Shuichi liked was almost all gone, so Yuusuke made a note to get another box on his way home from work tomorrow morning. Yuusuke usually bought a kid's cereal brand with cinnamon on it, but Shuichi kept complaining and saying he may as well eat a bowl filled to the brim with sugar. Yuusuke didn't understand people like him. He shook his head with a sigh as he ate his last spoonful.

_Cinnalicious._

Then, it was back to the kitchen to make dinner. He usually made himself something he could microwave when he got to work, since he wasn't supposed to leave the building, and the food they served there was really expensive (especially for how bad it actually tasted). Most of his coworkers would try to sneak out to the convenience store, or sometimes they'd try to steal some of Yuusuke's dinner straight out of the fridge. All vultures! Stealing Yuusuke's food as if they couldn't just make something for themselves if they all weren't so lazy! On more than one occasion Yuusuke had had to consider padlocking his lunchbox closed.

Surprisingly the attitude he had towards this didn't apply to Shuichi. He made enough for Shuichi as well, and left it for him in the fridge, sticking a post-it note on the table in the living room.

_Shuichi, I've gone to work now but I made you some curry if you want it. If not, I'll eat it tomorrow, so don't worry, it won't go to waste._

_Hope you slept well (((*°_ ▽ _°*)_ 八 _(*°_ ▽ _°*)))♪_

He shoved the dishes he'd used into the sink and left the house, marveling at how Shuichi was still asleep when it was already past 3pm.

~

Despite it being his first day back, work was still quite uneventful, until his phone vibrated in his apron pocket.

_HEY YUUSUKE!!!_

Hi sis I'M WORKING I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW

_I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR NEE-SAN ANYMORE!!_   
_WHATEVER HAPPEN TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS!!!!!!!_

I STILL LOVE YOU  
CALM DOWN

_NO_   
_FUCK OFF YUUSUJE_

OMG  
PLS I JUST GOT BACK   
WHAT IF THEY FIRW ME

_WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST GOT BACK!!!!!!!!!???_   
_what happened to you_

PLEASE FORGET I SAID THAT

_I'm telling mom_

NO

Yuusuke's phone started ringing with a call incoming from his sister, and he cursed, almost dropping it as someone yelled at him to get back to work.

\- - -

"Yaaaaay," Yuusuke mumbled as he dropped his keys into the bowl. That day had felt like butter melting down a hill.

"Yuusuke?" Shuichi called from the living room, and Yuusuke opened the door with a big smile on his face.

"Yep, it's me," he said. "Geez, I'm exhausted. I bought you some cereal by the way."

"Oh," Shuichi looked up from his laptop, mild surprise on his face. "Really? Thank you; you didn't have to do that."

"Come on, it's just cereal," Yuusuke said, plonking himself down right next to Shuichi on the sofa. He leaned against him, his head dropping onto Shuichi's shoulder.

"God," Shuichi worried, "Yuusuke, you really do look exhausted. A-are you sure you don't need some more time off before you go back to work?"

"Nah... I just need to get back into it," Yuusuke said around a yawn. "Ohh, by the way, my big sister Nanako invited me out for lunch tomorrow. Uh, today actually, since it's past midnight. But she's bringing her girlfriend, do you wanna tag along?"

"Oh, um," Shuichi said, a blush rising to his face as always, "Maybe. That sounds quite-"

...Hold on.

...Tanaka Nanako. Where had Shuichi heard that name before-

"...Quite what?"

Oh no.

"Y- Y- Yuusuke," Shuichi interrupted, "What's- what's the name of y-your sister's girlfriend?"

"Uhhhh....." Yuusuke said, lips twisting. "Crap, I can't remember. Miyo... Miyoya... Ichigo? Something like that."

Oh no.

Oh no no no no.

You can't be serious.

"Yuusuke I can't go," Shuichi said quickly. "Sorr- sorry."

"Oh," Yuusuke said, clearly disappointed. "Well ok, don't worry about it then."

Shuichi barely even felt guilty- well, he felt guilty looking at Yuusuke's kicked puppy expression, but- it was just...

He just couldn't believe this had happened. The deep brown eyes, the smooth skin, the shiny hair, it was all suddenly feeling much too familiar.

And fuck if he wanted to see Miyoushi Itsuki ever again.

-

UM  
Uhhh  
Hey  
What's your gfs name again

It's Ichigo right?

_> :(((((((((_

-

"Yuusuke! We've been waiting here for eight hours!"

"I'm only twenty minutes late, come on-"

"EIGHT. HOURS. YUUSUKE. Eight hours."

"Hi there Itsuki, have you really been here for eight hours?"

"No, we've only just got here," Itsuki said, a sweet smile on her face. "Thank you for coming. It's been much too long since I've seen you."  
  


"I know," Yuusuke said. "Sorry. I just can't seem to get away much recently."

"Oh yeah? What happened to you, Yuusuke?" Nanako said, narrowing her eyes. "And weren't you bringing your boyfriend with you? Did he take a look at your face and realize even a frog could do better?"

Yuusuke winced. "Nothing! I told you, nothing happened to me. And he is not my boyfriend. He just lives in my apartment."

"Oh yeah? Do you share the bed, too? I've been to your house, Yuusuke, I know it's tiny."

Yuusuke blushed. "No! I... sleep on the futon. And who are you to talk anyway, you look like a horse!"

Nanako glowered at Yuusuke, debating whether to throw the cafe menu at his head, and Itsuki sighed in exasperation (although she still held Nanako's hand warm in hers, under the table).

"What's his name, anyway? He's not some serial killer is he?"

"No," Yuusuke huffed. "His name's Ouyama Shuichi. He used to be Makoto's boyfriend but they broke up."

"Hmm," Nanako pondered. "Well if Makoto broke up with him, he must be bad. That boy is a saint."

"Ouyama Shuichi?" Itsuki repeated, glancing at Nanako. Nanako caught on, her eyes widening as she raised an eyebrow.

Itsuki looked back at Yuusuke for a split second, then back at Nanako, and discretely shook her head.

Yuusuke watched the exchange in confusion, but neither of the two opposite him would give him a single clue what was happening.

-

Yuusuke returned from work late that night.

Shuichi was waiting on the couch again, although this time he was asleep, his work still lit up on his laptop screen. His glasses had slid off onto his lap.

Yuusuke kissed Shuichi's forehead, and he woke up, blinking at Yuusuke as he asked what the time was.

"Around four." Yuusuke said quietly, as Shuichi replaced his glasses, shutting his computer down and setting it aside.

They both walked quietly through the apartment to the bedroom, but Yuusuke stopped them as the backs of Shuichi's knees hit the bed.

_Is he your boyfriend?_

_No, but..._

It was the middle of the night, and they both felt exhausted.

Yuusuke's hands slid around Shuichi's waist, and he breathed against his lips, before he leant up and gently kissed him.

Shuichi clutched at Yuusuke's back, reciprocating Yuusuke's kisses easily, until they broke apart, falling together onto the bed.

"You're so beautiful," Yuusuke groaned against his skin. He pushed Shuichi's body back on his lap, his bulge pressing up against Shuichi's butt. Strong hands slid under Shuichi's thighs, lifting them up slowly and pressing them against his chest. Bending them just a little too far.

_That hurts._

Shuichi panted heavily, looking at Yuusuke sucking gently at his neck. Blood rushed to his face and he tried to hide his expression, whipping his head away and screwing his eyes shut.

But Yuusuke's palm suddenly cupped his chin and he turned Shuichi's head, kissing his jawline now, and glanced up at something across the room. Shuichi stared at him, as a blush slowly fanned over Yuusuke's face. Yuusuke's eyes seemed to consume him. His fingers stroked Shuichi's skin, tugging at his legs and making them open wider.

Shuichi's gaze followed Yuusuke's, turning back, seeing his reflection in the standing mirror across the room.

Himself, spread out and on display.

His long, thin body, held tight against Yuusuke's muscular frame.

"Shuichi, you..."

Please stop.

"You're so..."

Stop.

Yuusuke's sentence turned into a groan as he reached up and bit the corner of Shuichi's lip.

"Yuusuke wait."

Yuusuke's eyes blinked open, and he stared up at Shuichi, following his eyes to glance at the reflection in the corner of his eye.

Shuichi looked at himself, hung his head.

"Shuichi?"

Shuichi trembled, hesitated a moment, but then wrenched himself up and out of Yuusuke's hands.

"Wha- Shuichi, I'm sor-" Yuusuke started, standing up as Shuichi got on his feet and backed away from him.

Shuichi winced. He knocked back into the mirror standing behind him, and it rocked back and forth. They both ignored it, Yuusuke too busy trying to catch Shuichi's gaze, as Shuichi tried not to let their eyes meet.

The mirror fell. It clattered loudly against the wooden floor, and Shuichi inhaled, shoulders going tense. Startled, uncomposed, he stepped on the mirror, and the glass shattered under the weight of his foot.

Shuichi grunted in pain and Yuusuke caught him before he fell, staring in shock at the blood dripping off the shards of glass. Shuichi's foot had sliced open, and Yuusuke bit his lip.

Worry filled his expression and he pushed Shuichi down onto the bed, and left the room. _Don't move_ , his eyes said, as he glanced back for a split second.

Shuichi's brain whirled. He pressed his hand against the wound to try to slow the bleeding, but could only watch as it dripped past his fingers and began to stain the wooden planks black.

Yuusuke returned and cleaned and bandaged Shuichi's foot in silence, hands faltering each time when Shuichi would hiss as pain stabbed through his foot. He sat back, swung Shuichi's leg up onto the bed, and got up and left again.

He paused slightly at the doorway, but this time he didn't return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yuusuke was too busy trying to catch Shuichi's gaze, as Shuichi tried not to let their eyes meet"- kinda sums up the entire fic don't ya think?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope chu enjoyed the chapter. Since I'm pretty new here, I'd love it if you'd tell me what you think. I've been told in the past that my writing's a little awkward and expressions are sometimes unclear, plus I'm not above spelling errors and the like. If you see anything, I will almost certainly go back and correct it.


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